Wednesday, December 16, 2009

This is howie do it!!

25 blesses 'n' curses

Hey guys I am Dubakoor Guru, yet another Incarnation of Venky like Venkey and Mankey Confused. My main aim is to enlighten you guys how to do things.

I am back once again with a “This is howie do it” guideBig Grin. Last time I enlightened you guys about How to put together a Page 3 page. If you aren’t enlightened as yet, enlighten yourself by reading that once again here

Ok! Now back to business, this time i am gonna teach you how to put together a promo song for Bollywood. Yep, you heard that right. I’ll leave a sample at the end of the post too. Now everything has been given in points for your purpose.

1. Nowadays the opening songs are of hip hop genre, make sure it is of that kind.

2. Dont get local artists to perform in that video.Instead  get Sardars Dancingfrom London to rap. Like in this video

      

3. Now let us come to lyrics part. Most of the films like these, deal with money and how money is king and stuff like that. They enlighten you about the reality and ideality. So make sure your lyrics contain them.Smug

4.  While composing the lyrics in Hindi or another regional language make sure you insert sentences in English. It  should have no meaning and shouldn’t be clearly uttered, so that people cant understand.Chatterbox

5. Pick a catch phrase from the lyrics and that should be repeated like umpteen times.

6. Dont worry about the tune. There are millions of English music videos from which we can rip off.Winking

7. As far as the choreography is concerned, a surreal set is a must and there should be no outdoor locations.

8. The costumes of the actors also should be very western and Coolers are a must.Cool

9. As far as dancing moves, there should be a signature move which he or she should do all the time. It is usually waving the hands up and  down like a rapper and shaking your neck.

10. Last but not least the actors should give an expression they are billion bucks like thisCool

 

Put this all together you have your promo music video ready hurray!!! and the VJ will exactly point a finger in middle of the TV screen with pin point screen and presses the imaginary button and it will be played

 

Listen carefully the tune of this song is from “50 cent – yeah”. You can also observe; the set is surreal; it has one signature move, one sentence which is repeated often( Baarish kardoon Paise ki jo tu hoge meri); Akki gives a ‘billion bucks expression’ with coolers on; there English sentences in between too and it is about moneyApplause.

 

Until next time this is Dubakoor Guru signing off

 

hey one more thing guys, Speak bindass interviewed me last week; I have left a link in the sidebar in the Pages widget. Do check it out if you haven't read it as yet.


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Saturday, December 5, 2009

All in a day’s work

49 blesses 'n' curses
This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 5; the fifth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Disclaimer which actually claims something: The characters in this post exist only in this freak’s think tank if you find them in any water tank or temple tank or your Fishville tank or another place for that matter would like to meet them Big Grin

“Your time is up; my time is now now; U can’t see me; my time is now” *alarm rings*
My world was awake but i was half asleep. I asked with my mouth which smelled closely to a concoction of rotten egg and onion, still dreaming about my job “ One coffee assistant”. “The guts you have, Keshu your time is really up and John Cena ain’t going to save you” As I heard my mom sound the warning bell I rushed to the bathroom; downloaded everything I uploaded last night (you must know what i mean) and rendered the bacteria homeless by showering my body.

“keshu eat something. It won’t be nice if the interviewer sees you holding the stomach. Eat this pongal”
“I should get there to do that and the interviewer wouldn't like me, if he caught me napping after eating your heavy pongal. Later, bye”

One, Three, Six”.. I was literally jumping down those staircases, and just as I was about to leap to the final few steps i realized  I forgot something which starts with a C . Dirty guys, not that. I forgot my certificates and asked my mom to drop them down.

  You see climbing the stairs is a really tedious job when you dont have an elevator carrying you so the "U drop, I’ll catch” technique was used.

   Is it a rocket, train or bullet, no its is the dumb head me. Everyone was looking why this guy who is dressed to kill is running on the road to kill himself and drew the attention of a few street dogs, which profusely barked at me. I was waiting for like 20-25 minutes, no sign of the bus.

   There came the savior. Only problem was that there were too many to save. I was riding on the foot board of the bus. Precariously balanced, i asked for the ticket to the conductor. When things go wrong they really go wrong. A car went by and splashed muddy water all over my pants. After seeing the car go past a safe distance, abuses about him, his immediate family, his 2nd cousin et al were mouthed.

   *plonk plonk plonk* drops of rain were knocking my head. Mr.Einstein in action, I was trying to wash away the mud through rain aka God’s spit. In the process I wet my pants, which might create a doubt whether i pissed in my pants. After half an hour of struggle in the crowded bus I reached the place. But I wasn't all that impressed by the way I was looking.

   I went to the corner of the waiting hall and was sitting there. A guy who was sitting next to me asked “Quick tell me all the accounting principles”. I smiled and said “You chose the wrong guy, ask some other guy”. Everyone who entered the interview room came out like the withered crops in Farmville. I was wondering why? It was my turn Ientered the room. There was a Superhero and two side kicks
A guy in the panel who looked like a side kick asked “Why are your pants unique? I have never seen this colour before”

“Sir that is to prove, I am unique” thank God i had a good reason
Another side kick replied “Let us see that Mr…….. keshav”. The superhero asked me my certificates and was having a hard look at it. Then the sidekicks were starting to ask me a series of unwanted questions.
“When was Obama born? What is Usain bolts world record time? Who invented the computer and when was it invented?”

“Sir I know all the answers but i refuse to tell”
The superhero asked “Why?”

“Sir, my problem is that I have applied for the position of an Accounting staff. Why do you expect your accounting staff to know about Obama’s birthday and Usain Bolt record? I will answer that if you give me a much higher position and if you send me to Inter-company quiz competition”

“Ok fair enough “said the super hero. The funny thing is that I didn't know the answer to any of those questions and I managed it. Just when i relaxed, the Super hero took over from his sidekick and asked me to explain the accounting principles. I wanted to hug the guy who was discussing the answer with someone. I went ahead explaining everything.

The superhero seemed content with my answer and asked me the real reason why my pants were so jaded.
“Sir, it was raining outside, Chennai is famous for pot holes and mini lakes on the road and to add to it we have good drivers who give us a wash for free in that water. To be honest I was late, no more excuses”

In that process I gave all the excuses I could and bluffed i had no excuses for being late and untidy. That is a neat trick to have, isn’t it?. Super hero gave a mean look and said i may go. I walked out confidently unlike others that I ensured I would be booted out for my gimmicks.

"Shucks keshu, looks like the Boss is straight on to your cabin, QUICK, QUICK, shut it down!"

“G.. Goo.. Good morning sir”

“Oh! Good Morning keshav. Carry on,Son. By the way keshav, I want that report done by today”. (Boss walks away)

“Close Shave, keshu. Think he wants you to get the post done by today,, he he”

“Guess, he had no clue as to what i was upto”

“Now where did i leave THE BLOG POST at ?”

.....I would be booted out for my gimmicks.
"He he!!" I let out a wry smile, I had got the Job after all. 


THIS IS JUST A SHORT STORY PLEASE DONT CONGRATULATE ME FOR GETTING THE JOB.




The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

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Thursday, November 26, 2009

Commenting on the Commentaries

16 blesses 'n' curses

It’s been 3 weeks since i last blogged the reason being exams, fever, block and boredom and that seems to be a thing of past now. Now people will see me regularly in other blogs and my blog as well. No welcome back comments please Praying

russarnold_nehra   I’ve been watching Test cricket between India and Sri Lanka for the past few days on Neo Cricket. The cricket commentary, I should say is really below par. To be honest the Sri Lankan commentary team is horrible. The coverage isn’t all that interesting either. RK was very disappointing; over stressing every time he ends a sentence. It is irritating and fake. I will quote a few examples here of some shoddy commentary.


Russell Arnold on Thilan Samarweera
“He ees a very good player. He starts off very slow and scores slow. He ees not afraid to play his strokes”
Come Russell what are you saying, this is verbal diahorrea. Just because you are a Sri Laankan you need not speak highly of every Sri Laankan player. what you are saying is equivalent to saying Ladoo is very spicy.Raised Eyebrow


Another Instance of such a thing – Ranil Abenayake on Angelo Mathews:

Ravi Shastri asks “ tell me about Mathews where did he come from? A-cricket, First class cricket or Under 19 cricket”
“ He ees a very good player, can score a lot of runs and take a lot of Wick‘cut’s. He has come School Crick‘cut’, it ees very strong in Sri Laanka”

I dont knowCome on face it the guy has scored just a fifty that to against a Pakistan side which hasn’t played test cricket for a while and he didn’t pick a lot of wickuts as he claims.


Yuvraj is Batting on 73 and Dhoni is new to the crease look what our Russell is upto this time

“Sunny Last time Dravid declared when Tendul’car’ is short of a double ton, will Dhonee do that here to  you’veraaj(yuvraj)”
Sunny smiles sheepish and does not humiliate Russell and says “Pretty similar”  OMG he beats me in comparing incomparable.Big Grin


What happens when Sehwag and Gambhir are batting?


The first thing you need to know is that according to Sri Lankan commentators Sehwag becomes Shewag and Gambhir becomes Gaambeer.

The commentary gets the most clichéd when they are batting they repeat the same story over and over again. Our Indian commentators aren't  exceptions, they too have their fair share of torturing us. These are things they usually come up with especially Ravi Shastri.

“They play for the same state, franchise, club blah blah blah Chatterbox
“They are very goods mate off the field” – how many times will you say this Yawn
“Gambhir calms down when Sehwag goes haywire”
“they understand each other”
“Fantastic Four, super shot no one can stop Sehwag when he bats like this”
“ Gambhir is the second wall of India”
   What has happened to cricket commentary it used to be so much fun listening to them. Hallmark of a good commentator is to make a sucking game feel like a billion dollar.

“When you have nothing to say, just shut up. Try to complement the action in the middle and you need not describe the ball being rolled to the bowler“
                                                                                                       -Richie Benaud

    
I have some thoughts, how would it be if a Geometrist commentates?

“Sreesanth runs in straight line perpendicular to the popping crease and delivers the ball with seem which is 90 degrees and it pitches and deviates 78 degrees and Jayawardena holds his bat parallel to the ground and hits the ball which swerves like a curved line, bisects the field and  reaches the fence ”

    I switched Channels to watch Channel 9 commentary which included and commentary team of Tony Grieg, Richie Benaud, Michael Slater, Mark Nicholas, Bill Lawry and Ian Healy. Oh my goodness this commentary team rocks but does not get stoned like the one from Neo cricket. Commentary in India and sub continent as whole has a fair distance to travel to get where the above people have went. I pin my hopes on Sourav Ganguly.

There are commentators and then there Commentators:


Richie Benaud- The Grand old man of cricket commentary.
Mark Nicholas-  The man with the voice everyone would envy
Michael Slater – Former Aussie opener and a cheeky commentator
Ian Healy- Yet another Aussie with a flair for words and voice i would envy
Tony Grieg- One of the all time greats in this field and makes stupid matches seem interesting.
Damien Fleming- Newbie who packs a punch in his commentary
David Bumble Lloyd-  He is my favorite. I can watch a match between a bunch of nobodies if he is commentating.
Geoff Boycott-  The man with a Fascinating Yorkshire accent obsessed with technique.
Harsha Bhogle- The best Indian commentator if not the best in the world; a man who has a way with words and face behind ESPN star.
Ian Chappell- In your face guys who doesn’t fear anyone when it comes to expressing his opinion. He didn’t even spare the great Don Bradman.
Bill Lawry-  An awesome commentator with an even more awesome voice
Even the New Zealand commentary team seems to be doing pretty good

What do you think? Pour your thoughts in the comments section.

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Wednesday, October 28, 2009

As random as a post can get.

29 blesses 'n' curses

Appearances are Deceptive:

If you take a glimpse at the sky, there would be snow white gorgeous looking things floating different shapes in the sea of blue. They look marvelous, dont they? Affirmative they sure do. Then there are clouds which are black rather grey. They dont look quite as pretty, do they? Relatively you can say yes they aren’t as pleasing as their fairer counterparts. But one thing that makes them invaluable is they are the ones which bring us the lifeline which makes the world go round, the rain.

2 yrs ago i was leaving for home. I met this old guy with bald head looking pretty decent at the railway station. He asked me to hold him and help him up the stairs. I did. Just a few steps, his hand touched my peter aka piston you know what i am talking about. I thought it was mistake and carried on. A few more stairs, my peter was given a knock knock who’s there kind of thing. That does it, I gave a stare, pushed his hand and walked away. Spare a thought for women who are harassed like this.

Appearances are surely deceptive, aren’t they? Why I learn it this way.

The More you give the more you get:

The Dead Sea as the name suggests is really place where no life forms exists apart from a few bacteria. You know why? I’ll tell you. You see the waters get into the Dead Sea but they dont flow out. This makes it almost 10 times saltier than the ocean. The density of the water is so high it makes you float. It takes all the water from the rivers, one of them is the Jordan River which has one of the least salinity and gives none. Dont be like that is was what i learnt from nature.

On a lighter note, in the first One dayer, our two bowling stalwarts Harbhajan and Praveen gifted runs to Aussie batters as a belated Diwali gift. Man! they were damn impressed and wanted to return the favor. They Dropped catches, misfielded, bowled full tosses outside off stump and long hops. That was so nice of them to give away Christmas gifts so early. Lee and Hopes said they wont play the second One dayer for that generous act. Christmas has come so early for the India if they 356 run target is anything to go by. Curse Siddle and Hauritz they were so stingy. That’s one more reason why you should believe the above thought.

Getting social with a drunk person is not a great idea:

This Diwali was really special for me. I went to my friend’s place that evening to light up crackers. We had a blast, literally. When I was about to kick start a series of blast, two amigos came at me smiling and dancing. “Happy Diwali” they said and hugged me. I was at my socializing best. I hugged them and wished them as if I knew them for ages. Then came the real deal, they didn't want me they wanted my Red fort cracker. After sometime playing I've got worst he’s got better crackers game and then You dont bring drunkards into our flat game, my friends had heartily laugh at my folly. Thats another lesson learnt, point noted my lord

I think, I have bored you guys enough. Seeya after my exams, until then adios amigos

 

Images Courtesy: http://english.people.comhttp://upload.wikimedia.org/


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Saturday, October 17, 2009

Conquering Mt Semester

27 blesses 'n' curses

   My so called Model Exams starts come Monday. While the uncorrected model papers of the yester semesters still haunts everyone. I think they ended up in the nearby waste paper mart without red ink crossing those wonderfully unwritten answers  and lots of stories right from the birth of Kamal to 50th yr celebration of Kamal in Indian cinema.
Mt Semester
Ok enough of parody and getting back to business i have my semester in November. The Date has not been confirmed yet as usual as by MU (Madras University). This time it won’t be a cake walk for me. I have a mountain to climb; no i am not making a mountain of an ant mole rather from a heap of books. Just look at the size of them mate! It is surreal.
 
Being the Stupid that I am, I also signed up to write Clerical Exam for SBI which is also due this November. So the height of Mountain has increased by a few inches now.  I have this habit of immersing myself into books only just before the exams, to be precise a day before the exam. I wanted to change that this time which obviously didn't work. I tried to open the book which i bought just a few days back, only to be ridiculed by mother, “Something strange is happening, my son taking out his books”. After taking all the ridicule, i pumped myself up and started marking the answers. Finding the answers for those has become a laborious task last time i didn't find that this difficult. Even a book exam will be tough for me now.

First time I tried, I ended up bumping into Bret Geeves’ blog in Cricket Australia website. That is one of best things ever happened to me. I was awe with his writing that I  set all his attributes in Cricket 07 to 100. Bret Geeves is a young Tassie(Tasmanian) pacer and an Aussie with an extended funny bone. You can read his blog here

   Just when i decided  immerse myself into books of knowledge; I get a tempting phone call from friend to watch a movie in his brand new LCD TV and home theatre system that shakes me apart. I sadly refused him and ended up marking answers. I switched on the AC and started marking the answers. A thought struck my mind “why cant i read the whole book?” (Talk about being realistic). I started  reading a few paragraphs. The level of the lactic acid secretion in my brain was working over time. The lactic acid coupled with the cool breeze of the AC put me to sleep. I slept like a baby for hours together.

   Later that evening i started marking the answers once again. Then i started playing FIFA 09  simultaneously checking out the team I sponsor Trinidad and Tobago. Haven't you seen the name “Venky’s” on their kits and NSW,my favorite team among the teams participating. End result i didn’t complete even half of what i wanted to do.

  This Deepavali has certainly started on a different note. I have changed like a batter cooked in a steam to a really puffy steamed idly both mentally and physically. Instead of wearing new clothes and bursting crackers, I went to my computer with bad breath and started downloading FIFA 10.

   Let us celebrate this Diwali differently. Let us burst fewer crackers and become Rockers, bring in those big speakers into play and disturb that neighbour next door differently.
  You know success tastes so sweet like the home made Baadushah by mom but failure tastes like Baadushah cooked by me. I dont want to taste my Baadushah. The last thing i need is, my mother talking to me about my increasing internet usage and flunking in the exams for the first. So i wont be around for a week or two blogging. Till then Adios amigos.

Happy Diwali to all.

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Monday, October 12, 2009

3 days 2 nights and One love story.

26 blesses 'n' curses
   
  “Where am I? Who are you? Where is she?” Quick give him the anesthesia, we’ve got to calm him down. “Ah aah …………” Get the woman in the ICU hurry up fellas, we have lives at stake.
  We were a match made in heaven perhaps heaven on earth. We were dating for 2 years. We knew each other since high school, only 2 years back I built courage went upto him. The All star Ball game, Busch Stadium; Barack Obama threw the first pitch. I still remember as it was yesterday. I bought 2 tickets for the ball game in the box. David Wright was struck out, I stood up to her, took out the ring and said “It needs 3 strikes to get out. It took only One for you to strike me out. I love you, will you marry me”, she was in tears and said yes. That yes, that one yes made my life. My joy knew no bounds. We booked a trip to the Everglades for our honey moon.

   It was sunny morning in the everglades, we teed off to the swamps just by the river to watch the alligators. It was and still is a big time alligator territory one wrong move, you wouldn’t return in one piece. It was mid- day, that was when the Alligators were least active, so we went off to check other wildlife.

  As we were walking through the swamps, Claire felt a bite. I found a snake, I took a look at the stripes and it were red and black. The saying was lingering in my mind “Red and yellow kill a fellow; red and black friend jack” in our case friend of Mike and Claire. I picked the Scarlet King and showed it to Claire, like the bravest man in the world. I knew it had no venom in it.




   The sun was setting, that’s when i realized we were heading to the east and the dry land was to the west. Everglades was a very spooky place and nights were even spookier. So we decided to camp there for the night. Unfortunately we lost everything while watching the gators. All we had was a knife, my cigarette lighter and some water. We had to eat something. Fortunately or unfortunately that something means frogs which are in abundance and are not poisonous. I gathered some dead barks, leaves and I also found a tin. I carved the stick and went to hunt the frogs. Claire was looking seemingly in discomfort as the scarlet king had bitten her. Though it wasn’t poisonous the wound with the cocktail of mud is a recipe for disaster, hence she couldn’t walk properly. So i used the only available clean water to clean her wound. We then barbecued the frogs and ate them at one go. There is only one word to describe it, pathetic with a capital P. That night went on as we cuddled each other watching the canopy and we feeling each other’s breathe.

…………Increase the oxygen his breathe is slowing down, get a new one right away. Pulse is slowin down, hurry up fellas. Aye aye doc.
   “It was a new dawn, a new day. We started our journey to the west. The Swamp was so unforgiving and was sapping every bit of the fluid in our body. To make it worse the sword grass were wearing and tearing us down. We took our stick held it horizontally and navigated through the grass. Finally after hours of struggle we made it to Seminoles territory. We could eat the bitter yet life saving oranges grown by them. Thank God! Seminoles lived here.
   Flo-rida’s “you spin my head right round” was what i was humming. The reason was, here i am searching round and round for frogs in Florida, how ironical. Suddenly Lady Luck smiled on us, I found a  gopher tortoise, Jackpot! Gopher tortoise with lime juice over it Yummy! I thought i would never say this even in weirdest of my dreams. Claire suggested steaming the tortoise with its shell in the fire. To be honest it tasted alright. I filtered the water through my T shirt into the tin we found, boiled and filled our bottles. We ate the tortoise for dinner, pinch me. Without wasting a second she pinched me, sheesh! If only she had shown this swiftness we would have been home now.
   We took an early start, the next day and reached near the canal; adjacent to it were a road and our way out of there. It seemed barely a mile from there. We were walking through the swamp waters, that’s when i found myself in a sink hole. The more you struggle the more you get into it. I was perturbed and my heart was beating fast.

……………… The heart beat is slowing down charge it and give him a shock, one more and one more.
Claire was terrified and was in no position to help me. Her leg was badly injured; I don’t know how she managed to walk. She had heavy fever thanks to the mosquitoes, swamp water and tortoise she ate. She was lying down and telling to me go with the flow and we can make it. She told me to lean on my chest, pull myself up and monkey crawl out of there. That’s where my survival instinct kicked on, I came out of the hole with whole of my pants and half of my T-shirt covered in mud. I carried Claire with the muddy pants and reached near the canal and then lights off i had nothing left in me and i fainted.

……………. Doc he is opening his eyes. Where am i? Son you’re in the hospital we found you and the other woman nearby the canal. Where is she?
   “I am sorry to say this, she is no more. She had succumbed to dengue” said the doctor. My whole world went crashing down after hearing the doc say that. She meant a lot in my life. Why us? Why? Life is such a bitch.There were so many beaches in Florida, why a swamp? But then honey moons never last forever. In our case, it ended in our ‘so called honey moon’.
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After a few weeks i was up and kicking out of the hospital. I started my vehicle and headed towards the Everglades hearing “The Backstreet Boys”
“never gone, never far, in my heart is where you are, always close, every day, every step along the way”
How meaningful can a song be to me than this one? Everglades here i come to pay tribute to the love of my life. 






P.S: Put off by the sad ending you see the problem with true love is, “True love never has happy endings, because true love never ends”

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Saturday, October 3, 2009

The Indian Dream

52 blesses 'n' curses


This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 3; the third edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Blog-a-ton
    Indian Dream is pretty "complicated" like a Facebook relationship status. Summing up the dreams of more than a billion people ain’t easy. But, I had as usual two too conflicting views, one from Venkey (better half) and another from mankey (bitter half). To sum it up for you to decide there is Sri Sri Great Great Fake Fake Swami Venkatanda.

Venkey Says Angel

“The dream of person, who earns daily wages, lives in a hut and doesn't get food to eat is; eating a nice meal 3 times a day; sending his children to school; to build a good roof to stop the rain water seeping and the sun beating down.

Then there is the salaried middle class man who has all the basic amenities he needs; food, water and shelter. But is greedy and stops enjoying what he has and dreams about what he does not have.

 And then the men who have their coffers full, having everything in the world. His money can buy everything and for others they have VISA MasterCard. The One thing he doesn't have and no VISA MasterCard can buy is happiness . He lives in the fear of losing all his riches and tries to safeguard it. The affection he receives  from people is also fake. He dreams about being happy and as well as rich, a state I describe as having a mutton biryani in some maami's mess in Kumbakonam.

  You may wonder why I talk about all this. I do have a point. All these play a part in my interconnected “Indian Dream”. I want to see an India which has no people suffering for basic amenities, content with itself and be happy. I want an India which dreams less and does more.”
   
Mankey Says  Devil


“It’s not gonna happen Venkey. Come on! Dreaming is in our blood. How the hell would we get through auditing class, where the professor speaks more bullshit than you? Here goes my list.
  1. Better parking facility at the Mambalam Railway Station.
  2. Make Venkey the ruler
  3. Let me control Venkey, so that i can shift the blame.
  4. A land where Public buses arrive on time 
  5. No etching of their names along with their lover's name in the train/buses/public places that includes "gang" names too
  6. A road without pot holes
  7. No power cuts. The reason why I have posted so late.
  8. Clean the coovam river.
  9. Vada pav stall in every other street.
  10. Indian winning the World Cup. Oops when is that going to happen.
Wow very realistic dreams, I better rub a magic lamp and ask genie all these wishes. Lets cut the crap, Indian Dream is all about doing wrong things and not getting caught. Nothing is wrong unless you get caught. It is not about doing right things it’s about doing things right”

  Those are magnificent views expressed by Mankey. Give him Denmark, he will change it like Somalia. You sure have an astute thinking. Go to hell you moron.

Swami Venkatanda Says


     “Dreams are our deepest desires. What we can’t achieve or want to achieve, end up being mere dreams. Once in a blue moon they end up being reality. Dreams can be bifurcated. One is sub-conscious dream, which we get when we are in deep sleep, which we have no control of and is inane. Another is the conscious dreaming, which we can decide what to dream of and how will the dream be and is less inane than the former.

   Our former president  Abdul Kalaam said to the youngsters to dream their destiny. Our youngsters have taken that a bit too far to be honest. When a boy is caught mind fishing in the class, he answers to his teacher “Sir, Abdul Kalaam told us to dream”. Yeah that's what he told! You moron! Did he tell you to dream about; how you are going to cut your classes; what you’re gonna eat for lunch; how will be your favourite hero’s next film; your dream girl? You non-contributing zero.

   People have the habit of gloriously misunderstanding notions or twisting them according to their whims and fancies. What he said does not concern with our silly sub-conscious or day-dreaming but is focusing your energy with full conscience to certain thoughts or imagination or whatever it may be and execute it.

Indian dream is all about being happy and Letting others to be happy. Your freedom ends where my nose begins and nose is reaaaalllly longggg. Live and let live. Wishes From Sri Sri Great Great Fake Fake Swami Venkatanda. Hey! you there,  give me the soda, very long speech pa.”

   All i would say is “Trust everyone, just don’t trust the devil inside them” Hope you got what i meant and geo the right message, that’s my dream Winking. Hope you liked the post.

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

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Monday, September 28, 2009

Midnight's call

34 blesses 'n' curses

This is my first attempt at writing a short story. I hope this one fits the bill because I have mixed feelings about it. Here it goes…..

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   “ Time is now 11.00 AM” sounded the alarm. An arm just rose and hit on its head and went back to bed. “ Time now is 12.00 PM”, this time a leg kicked the clock out of its porch. “Time is now 1.00 pm”, a leg kicked, this time he was at the receiving end, drenched in water. “Now get up you lazy goose” his mom said. He reluctantly got up and went up grumbling, now to his laptop . “Welcome to Windows vista” it uttered. “Connecting to Local area network”….. “Loading Vasudevan991@gmail.com…..” He started checking his mail and then updated his Facebook, Orkut, Twitter and every other social networking site in the World Wide Web. He was getting tired of resting and hit the bed to rest even more.

   2 years had passed since his graduation, yet there were no signs of him getting any job nor was he interested in one. His parents were worried about his attitude. He was quite a rich guy; to be precise his parents were rich. Time was now 8.00 pm, nearing the ‘Dhan te nan time’, that’s how he calls late night pubbing. He had a shower took out his party wear, donned it and rode straight to the pub on his ‘Enticer’. 

    He was riding his bike so fast in a drunken state. A dog ran across the road, he maneuvred and went past it and then came a cat, a black one, he maneuvred and went past that one too and then came this fairly old guy with ragged clothes and dreadlocked hair, bang! He hit him. Vasu went skidding on the road and the rugged ragged guy was literally blown off his feet and fell where he belonged, the platform. Though it seemed to be a brutal accident, it wasn’t one. The man had sprained his leg and Vasu had some cuts. Now that’s what you call third time unlucky or was he?

   Vasu got up and yelled at the man “You blind moron, do you have your brains in the place or do you have !$@%^ . Oh sorry you don’t know English, kurutukku kabothi, moola vechirukira eduthula !@#$ vechirukiya da” he uttered the same in Tamil.

The ragged man smiled and said “chill down young man, and thanks for the lift to the platform i really wanted to go there. I was sick of walking from there ”.

Vasu was taken aback by the way he dealt with him and his impeccable accent. The man asked “what are you staring at? i can speak English. For Pete's sake stop staring ” 

   “ So you get up really late right and you spend the whole time toying with your laptop and then pubbing right”, he smiled sheepishly.

   “But how do you know that? you are freaking me out ” said a befuddled Vasu.

“You see I was exactly like you and I could spot that from you. My life changed suddenly. I had only my dad, my mom died before I even had a look. I also lost him in an accident. Thanks to my AC accustomed body, TV watching eyes  and Internet surfing fingers; I ran into a road block when my dad died. Till this point i have not done anything meaningful in life. I lost everything. This platform has become my home and mosquitoes have become my friends ”, Vasu was silently listening to all this.

   “Hey I am the one who should be sad buddy not you, your time will come , just kidding”

   “Whatever,  I am leaving now” said a shit scared Vasu seeing a creepy man divulging such details and lifted up his Enticer and scooted.

   Wouldn’t you be shit scared if a man like him tells details about you, that too at the stroke of midnight. On his way home with his smashed Enticer, he was thinking of his future. More importantly he was thinking what he was doing presently.Was he a ghost? Was he a messenger? All questions remained unanswered. Whoever he was; he surely sent shivers down Vasu’s spine all for the right reason.

   “Time is now 7.30AM” Vasu got up and went straight to his laptop. This time he was busy uploading his profile to Job websites. This is what fear can do to people. That day he went to the same place to meet him.

“Hi, remember me. I think I can help you ” ;

“enna dorai pesara onnum puriliye namakku Englipese laam varathu pa”( what are you talking i cant understand English).

“May be he is not the one, I think he had some more beard like dad. Must be a hangover. I don't want to end up like him even in my dreams, anyway. I better hurry now” , he said to himself and walked away.

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Saturday, September 26, 2009

Nammai Pol Oruvan ( some one like us)

26 blesses 'n' curses

 

  I was sitting in front of my computer day dreaming of getting the tickets of Kamal and Mohan Lal starrer “Unnaipol Oruvam” ( someone like you), the remake of the Hindi movie “A Wednesday”. That’s when my dad blocked my vision showing a ticket to the movie. I thoroughly enjoyed this one heck of a movie.

unnai-pol-oruvan-tamil-mp3-songs

The film deals with how a common man can really bring a city to a stand still. It picks up the issue of how to fight terrorism. The films Starts with Kamal Haasan a common man who plants bombs all round the city and call the Commissioner of Police enacted by Mohan Lal and negotiates with him to release terrorists to a location. Rest of the story revolves around what does he do with the terrorists and does he do what he actually wanted.

The Dialogues in the movie are really sharp, inspiring and witty at places. the dialogue uttered by an ethical hacker, who comes to track Kamal’s location is one of the best . When Mohan Lal asks him whether he can work with this computer he says“ sir, these computers are really old. Sir these ancestors . I will try and say Abivaadaye and start”. ( abivaadaye is a sort of introduction given by Brahmins to their elders in Sanskrit). There are many such places. No Character in the film are wasted or even overused or over emphasized.

The length of the movie works for its advantage as well. The pace, once it picks never Slackens. There are no songs sequences in it. The film lasts about an hour and forty five minutes. This one of those rare films you go out of the theatre and cursing why it ended.

The acting in the film is from the top draw. You cant make out that they act, that’s what i call good acting.  We all know how good an actor Kamal is and he doesn't disappoint us, so does Mohan Lal, so does all the other actors, so does the director Chakri Toleti and So does the film as a whole. That’s a lot of ‘so’s used in a sentence. What to do the film is so so good.

The only thing bad about this movie is i can say nothing bad about. This film is really spotless. One can say the views expressed in the movie may be debatable. But certainly one cannot find fault in the way it has been made.

This is definitely worth more than a watch and certainly a collectors item. To put it my way this movie has certainly entered this freak’s think tank and also his heart.Love Struck

Peace SignApplause


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Monday, September 21, 2009

An Irksome Story told to a 7 yr old

37 blesses 'n' curses

    My 7 yr old cousin Aarthi, Stayed back at our place a few days back. She wanted me to tell her a story. The freak’s grey matter was in search mode now.  It found a theme and built up on it. The result was the remix of Mahabharata, MAHABOREATHA.

    I started, “ There were two  Rap gangs” only to be  interrupted, “ what is a rap Venky?”. I replied in only the way i can, “ good question ;You say rhymes, don't you?  Eat a kozhukattai and say that very fast, that is rapping ” She gave a big grinBig Grin 

   I continued with my incessant crap talk . “The 2 rap gangs were Funky Five Pan Doves and Giant Gs. The Funky five were Top Dogg Dhamn, ARJ, Bheems, Nak and Sak. The GGs were many in number but notable were DJ Duri and his bro DJ Douche.  All of them honed their rapping skills at Deadly Drone’s Rap class. ARJ was the best of the lot.  

    It all was hunky dory until Big Daddy D composed a Dapaang Kuthu ( A style of folk music in Tamil Nadu). The advisor of Daddy D was Big Poppa B-eesh. Both the gangs wanted to remix that Dapaang kuthu but Uncle Pan Doo wanted GG’s to get the right to remix”

   Not to my surprise i was questioned again in her baby voice “Venky what is remix?”.I defined remix as a song whose real music is added with some fast beats, i mean that ‘dup dup’ sound at faster pace and some funky noises in English, between the lyrics. How is that for a definition? 

   I continued “There was a problem of who will get the right to remix. ARJ’s friend, Kool Krish sided their way and told he would help them defeat the GGs. Uncle Pan doo, Big Poppa B-eesh and Drone sided GGs way. They were further beefed up with the addition of the Super Rapper Kar Rant. He raps his rants, a good guy at heart, only one to rival ARJ. 
   
   The competition was that whoever plays the loudest rap and gets the most foul words from the passers by and people devoid of sleep at night wins the right to remix. The Stage was set at  the mini everglades at our street ages back
“Stay Tuned for the next episode of MAHA –BORE -ATHA” i mocked Dragon Ball Z. 
Aarthi then threatened me “If you dont tell me now i will cry and every one will abuse you”. Hearing this i had mixed feelings a:that a soul likes this and b:fear at the prospect of being abused if i dont continue. With all things taken in mind I decided to break the break and continued.


  
  
       Big Poppa B rapped his Vishnu Sahasranamam, only to score an OG because everyone praised him. Top Dogg Dhamn and Deadly Drone followed suit scoring OG's for their respective factions, as they were good at heart and people praised them as well. Pan Doo came in and remixed the Vishnu Sahasranamam and evened the odds, negating the OG's scored by the Ol'dies.

     DJ Duri was smart enough to sense Kool Krish's plans and sent his lil bro DJ Douche. DJ Douche was rapping horriblly and teased women. Kool krish heard their cries and pulled the already below waist pants of DJ Douche even lower.

    Nak and Sak took advantage of this and rapped " Liar Liar Pants on Fire" and got back abuse from GGs who were more than 100 in number. Then Came Kar rant rapping his rant and stealing the show. Kool krish rapped something secretly to ARJ. ARJ quickly remixed the remix version of “Aap ka Suroor” and defeated Kar Rant , which he called Himmesh Astharam.
 
   DJ Duri was wrecking havoc and gulping abuses, Bheems, the drummer started beating the drums and DJ Duri's voice was unheard and Bheems defeated DJ Duri. The Funky Five Pan Doves Remixed the song and lived happily ever after.  But the people in the colony slept sadly ever after, that night.


After this i was confronted with some questions only a child can ask.

Aarthi: how big is Kool Krish. Is he ‘2nd standard’ big?

Venky: Surprise age? 2nd standard. When did he go to school?

Aarthi: I saw his picture in the puja room, he looked like 2nd standard boy.

Venky: OK , thats was when he was young. All the gang members are of working age, they have finished college; Drone, Poppa, Daddy D and Pan doo are retirement age GranpsLaughing. Understood ?

Mom: Venky will you stop this nonsense ?Time out

Venky: hey U…, talkin to me ? Cool

Mom : Feeling beat upnow leave . Aarthi sleep don’t listen to this moron

Aarthi: Laughing Rolling on the floor Yawn Sleepy


Disclaimer: Any resemblance to epic is not coincidental and is intentional.  Just have a laugh like my cousin did Happy

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Wednesday, September 16, 2009

My First Shot at 55 fiction

39 blesses 'n' curses


Peops this is my first shot at 55 fiction and a nice chance to take a pot shot at me.


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  First of all what is 55 fiction ? After reading quite a few 55 fiction posts, i can safely say they are thoughts which may be fictional or real, expressed within a word limit of 55 . 

 
     The above  paragraph is mandatory because your reader will be lost in thoughts  “what is 55 fiction?” Rolling Eyes. They might think this is some ghost story and run away. If you don’t write this then you will be poked in the eyes by God in your sleepShame on you.Laughing

I don't know whether what i have presented falls in such genre or is just a gag, anyways here it is. 
Not worthy

The TaLe Of ThE  2 BrAtS:


ABC Payer… cash payer Cool: Dont tell anyoneQuick gimme 2 of that for killing them as i told you yesterday. 
XYZ Nair: Whew bury them carefully, it’s dangerous. Here, take this cocktail of chemicals along with that. I can guarantee  this will work its magic on them.

Next day………
 
ABC Payer: At last i got those bratsPeace Sign. R.I.P ( Rats in Pieces)Laughing


NOTE: Catching rats using tea stall Masala Vadai with a chemical cocktail is a classic technique used in Tamil Nadu Raised Eyebrow. But the part we miss out is burying them. They are often thrown out precariously for the neighborhood crows’ breakfast. Very generous people hei ? LaughingRolling on the floor

  You could have now noticed why i used XYZ Nair as the other guy . Every other tea shop is owned by malayalees here. No offence meant .Angel

   Jokes apart “ cleanliness is Godliness keep your surroundings clean, we have got only one planet to destroy”  How is my message? Feeling beat up(thats me) vaangikko !!! ( take that)

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