Saturday, May 30, 2009

Result day Mayhem

22 blesses 'n' curses
No i am not talking about the elections results or my MU results which are due to come 3 months later. But the 10th matriculation results, why u may ask, because i have sibling who wrote it.


It was yet another day like every Saturday. I divinely opened my eyes in front of the computer screen and did computer namaskar and uttered "yahoo namaha", "google namaha" and started my day. I carried on the computer puja till about 8.30. Then i moved on to my other God and started doing channel abhishekam by surfing through channels.It was 9.15, my mother pinched me and told to look for my siblings results, i was arguing about govt inefficiency and its inaccuracy. Tong! hit a nail on my head, FLASH NEWS: results will be announced at 9.30AM. That was enough for my mother to make me move. So i switched from TV to computer.


I looked at the results and my mother's face, it was bad. I played a bluff and said my sibling failed, face turned from bad to worse. So couldn't stand and told truth. I nearly got strangulated by my mother. I told the real results that it was 79%. My mother started complaining and cursing Gods.


Our family always has this habit of being last minuter losers. My father quite a big man, is 6.2 and 98 kg ,2 kg short of a century. My mother was a 1st ranker all her life but for her SSLC. Me, 84.9 in both my 10th and 12th exam missing .1 of that magic 85% mark. We now found a new torch bearer in my sibling.


Now back to that day, the phone calls came pouring to my house like rain. But everyone asked same question and my mother answered the same with not even the tone changing. Here is extract of one which is enough to explain my situation.
  • A: hello madam what is the result.
  • Mother: very less madam
  • A: how much?
  • Mother: 79%
  • A: it is good only no madam.
  • Mother: what are you talking everyone is getting 80%
  • A: 12th is more important.
  • Mother: Lets see
(Note: this same conversation took place from A-Z, now u will understand)


I was lucky to escape this on my result day. During my 10th results i escaped to a nearby cybercafe, returned for a minute,told the result and i was off to play cricket. MY 12th result day was a working day, so no mom . I didn't even get out of the comforts of my home. I waived my right to my friend Ajay and he saw the results for me. This is what you call OCeyil OB adiching ( sitting in a place making othersdoing work, in short management)

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Monday, May 25, 2009

Gandhi thatha smiling at IPL Marketing

22 blesses 'n' curses

The IPL has taken cricket marketing to levels unknown to man. Be it Strategy breaks, beauty contest, dancing beerleaders aka cheerleaders or human billboards, it has literally cashed in on every opportunity, even toilet paper will contain DLF IPL emblem. It will be evident now that i don't give a damn to this type of marketing. Like it or not we have to put up with this nonsense.
Let me start with "stratallergy breaks". This is the most evident maal making idea of IPL. It was an allergy to everyone but for the advertisers.


I dug deep and found out what happens during this maal time.
"Players:
  1. Strategy discussion for exactly 50 seconds [ only meaningful thing]
  2. Loosen their abdomen guard and scratch itches in the body
  3. Drink some Gatorade[ actually they do that literally every over]
  4. Answer some stupid questions from even more stupid comperes [ the Chinese guy Chang is a good example]"
"Presenters:
  1. Break [ Ads=money]
  2. Call up some player from bench irritate him
  3. Break[more ads=more money]
  4. Ask fans to shout and speak highly of Lalit money Modi
  5. Play repeat of IPL donating money
  6. Once again break [ once again ads= once again maal]"


Next comes the candid terms coined and shamelessly uttered by the commentators like "citi moment of suckses", " DLF mixiemam" and some other pathetic terms. Apparently they are planning to have special names for shots, like Dhoni's shots as inalsa mixie shots [ the company has shutdown and so has dhoni's shot making skills] .



"Future lambs to be slaughtered by Brands in their names

  • M.S dhoni= Aircel Phoni
  • Aila Tendular=Idea Tendulkar
  • Malinga= Sakhti mangalinga
  • Symonds=King'Fisher' Symonds
  • Bret lee=Milka Bread Lee
  • Harbhajan=Havellswire Singh
  • Yuvraj Singh= Nivaran 90 cutting Singh
and many more"

Ask Money Modi why?

Reply:


"our aim is to merge cricket and entertainment,money making and shot making."


Inner meaning:( for unenlightened people)


"U fools we are here to destroy ICL, making money and of course some cricket. It is the golden egg laying duck"
I wont be surprised if Mr Money asks players to Pachai Kuttify (Tatoo) brand names in their arm. Surely Gandhi thatha is smiling.


[ Note: all views expressed in this post are not coincidental but purely intentional]
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Friday, May 22, 2009

MAD-RAS UNIVERSITY

16 blesses 'n' curses




While i am writing this, you would be happily putting your feet in some cold water and beat the heat. You know what am i doing sitting here thinking about my next exam which seems to be near oblivion. Have you heard of exams lasting a month. Pretty much similar to that of two planets having different revolutionary periods, Mad-ras University is out of this world (from now onwards MU).They are the masters of making jackasses out of almost everyone. If you expect to fail you will pass, expect to pass you will fail. It is even more tougher to understand it, probably catching osama is easier. I did some observation to come with this


What is so special about MU?
  1. Exams lasting a month.
  2. Vacations between exams ( like the one i am enjoying right now).
  3. Quick result publishing within 45 days with 3 days months of grace.
  4. Supports creativity. you write your own story and screenplay.
  5. Answers last for pages.
  6. Hall ticket will be a mystery until 2 days before exam.

Example of how to write MU exam:


Mani Ratnam Version:
"i will meet you tomorrow"
MU version:
" Me Venky, living in Chennai, near to the coast, having beaches, also known as Madras, will meet you, after today, before day after tomorrow, i.e tomorrow,which never dies"
My semester timetable:
  • 9-5-2009 = Company Law
  • 20-5-2009 = Environmental Studies
  • 21-5-2009 = Corporate A/C s
  • 22-5-2009 = Principles of Management
  • 28-5-2009 = Business Communication.
If you observe you will see that i have two summer holidays one between 9th may to 20th and another between 22th may to 28th may.

You can compare this schedule to a cricket match. Good opening partnership and then Hat trick!, flourish in the end. !@#$%^&* i am lost for words wow ! Can anybody schedule exams such metaphorically? answer me.

This is only the beginning of MU leelais ( Pastime). I will be posting a series of MU leelais.
Until then bye from MU basher.

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Monday, May 18, 2009

My First Vote

4 blesses 'n' curses
May 13th was the day i cast my first vote, but sadly it didn’t matter much because my candidate an entrepreneur is not known to many. I thought it would be a new experience and would make a mark in my life, but i was only left with a mark on my left index finger. It was yet another passable day in my life. Just like you would buy milk, stand in a queue, wait for your turn, show your voter ID, get your finger inked, press the button your done . But pressing the button part was fun, childish isn't it? Nevertheless it was good experience to press that and say what you want to the world.


It was really sad to see people being turned down after they had only their ration card and not voter ID. One bright thing is unlike the other big cities, my city didn’t have any mambo jumbo about voting . It had a 68% voter turn out. Pretty impressive compared to others and nothing out of the world.


The ADs of celebrities and others urging to vote turned out to be a big joke. Mumbai and Delhi were pathetic with very less voter turnout. Looks like most of the cricketers didn’t vote playing IPL. Kaif, Bangar and Akash should have am i right. Many people were busy voting in IPL T20 website about some useless things. I am glad that i voted, what about you guys what are your thoughts

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Monday, May 4, 2009

Vote our country to glory

0 blesses 'n' curses


With the general elections 2009 in its third phase there is excitement in all the so called NEWS channels, endlessly running updates and predicting the elections. You would see some four guys arguing something and the anchor of the show interrupting them frequently saying , i quote "we are running out of time". You will also see films stars frequently urging us to vote in their ad slots,i wonder why don't you relay them during the IPL which has more exposure than any of the channels, oh i forgot how will they earn money, silly me how can expect this from IPL. Whatever i am ashamed that we have to be reminded by some X,Y,Z to exercise our right to vote.


When someone urges you to vote the immediate response would be "nothing will change" ; "waste of time"; " everyone is corrupt". I would dismiss those arguments as bullshit. Lots have changed the generation now is far more informed and mature than our predecessors. When Dr Abdul Kalaam says the youth is the future and dream your destiny, many end up day dreaming. Why don't you think about the former part.


I was so pissed off when i asked a child who is the PM of India it went blank and when asked about the President of America it said Barack Obama. Why is this? why is this western perverseness? I would say it's all because we stamp ourselves and make others look great. We are not as bad as you think. Be proud to be an Indian. We are improving , no growth is possible without unity. United we stand divided we fall , not one drop of water makes an ocean.



"So Please VOTE and complete your duty as you want your right"




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