Friday, June 26, 2009

My Tryst with God

55 blesses 'n' curses

Does God exist? this question has been lurking me for a long time. Since i was  born and brought up in a religious brahmin family my tryst with God had begun ever since i stepped onto this world. First thing i was taught was to fold my hands and pray. Everyone has two religions. One they are born into, another that they follow after growing up. Sadly most of the hindu customs are pretty much outta this world and higly symbolic. I was neither religious nor an atheist , but somewhere between the two.

19 is probably not the age for thinking about this. I was thinking about my teenage when was a tween and now my salvation. Pinjiliye pazhuthadhu as one would call in Tamil. This was when i started to search why i am here? Is there any being called GOD? Again it brings to Venkey and Mankey

Venkey: Finally i found it!

Mankey: Found what? Your non-existent brain

Venkey: No stupid, the truth behind God.

Mankey: Hahahaha what truth? You found the ornament worn by Rama and lipstick worn by sita in that dumb serial, Ramayana.

Venkey: No bird brain, let me tell you something. The God i believe in is very different from the God you beleive rather not believe in.

Mankey: Wait! i will shut my ears , Start camera action. go ahead with your lecture.

Venkey: You will never change. Ok who is God according to you?

Mankey: God is a person with circle of light around his head wearing ornaments in gold, Didn't you see any of the  Ramnarayan films, with those sleeky graphics killing demons 

Venkey: Think you are joking . I will tell who God is, he is unimaginable and we cannot comprehend him. He is not a human. he is not male or female.

Mankey: Ok, is he a lion or any animal?

Venkey: You think you are so intelligent? Answer this "Define the word time?"

Mankey: If you travel 50 miles at a speed of 50mph you will reach it in an hour thats time.

Venkey: Nice try mankey but its not a definition, its a comparitive.

Mankey: Then what? 

Venkey: You cant define time because it is a four dimensional object and we are 3 dimensional beings. ( Length, breadth and width) You cant comprehend something which is higher than your dimension.

Mankey: I cannot sense God, how can i say he exists?

Venkey: Can you sense time? No you cant.

Mankey: I can see through its effects.

Venkey: You can also feel god through his effects like this cosmos.

Mankey: If God created this universe, who created God?

Venkey: Do me one favour can you draw a foursided triangle for me?

Mankey: You know how i feel? I feel like kicking your ass with a size twelve boot. Silly!, your question is wrong. 

Venkey: Thats what i meant, so is yours. Time started only when space came into existence, one cannot exist without the other. So there was no time before space and God is not bound by time. He can see that starting and the end of time unlike we lousy 3 dimensional creatures. You cant get a three dimensional being into paper, this explains why he took incarnation to enter this three dimensional world.

Mankey: nice story good imagination.

Venkey: This is not imagination you stupid!, it’s science. They say there are ‘n’ dimensions in mathematics God is one above that, ‘n+1’.

Mankey: Why not 2 or more, is it not his lucky number according to numerology. 

Venkey: You will never change, ignorant fool see i am going to take the lead.

Mankey: Lets see its gonna 2-1 in favour of me.

   This probably is the most significant post in my blog till date, at least i believe so. I chose to go with venkey second time around. Score now 2-1. Hope everyone got a hang of the nature of God. Now its upto our very own Poli Poli samiyaar(fake fake, Swami Venkatananda to do the summarising speech.


Swami Venkatanada Says:

Now i am in the process discovering even more truths about this unending debate of God. As far as i am concerned there is only one ultimate God, he is called by different names in different religions. I call it Brahmam ( different from brahma or brahmin). My journey has just started hopefully i will reach the oneness from which this world of maya came into being.Om!!!

Credits:

John Clayton

Srimad Bhagavad Gita

Hindu cosmology


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Thursday, June 18, 2009

Swine Flew huch 1 'n' 1

32 blesses 'n' curses


    Still wondering what the topic deals with, it is a funny take on a serious issue of Swine Flu. before that some serious info on it. Swine flu is a disease caused by swine influenza virus which is also called H1N1. WHO annouced it as pandemic based on its spread and not its effect so no worries peops. This virus was first affecting only pigs but then flew to humans through mutations, it spreads through Sneeze (huch!), it s like anyother cold it being fatal is very rare. Its vaccine is tamiflu.  Now i'll tell you the story of Swine flu huch 1 'n' 1 virus.


    Once upon a time, not so long ago there were two scientists of the Panny and Fanny, they were evil scientists wanting to make mankind suffer. They wanted humans to sneeze hard and spit mucous from their nose, undigested food from mouth and semi digested food from the back running; u know what i mean, diarrhea. And also tickle their throat, suckle their energy, tweak the joint and cause pain; raise the temperature like summer heat and everything else bad.






  So they chose Panny's kuladeivam ( Clan's God) Pig. They mutated the Influenza A virus to attack the filthy humans. They were working day and day and partied heavily at nights. One day during the day light after their hangover when they were working, Boom an explosion the virus was mutated, hurray! said panny. The virus is now mutated muhahaha >:). Fanny being an orthodaox hindu wanted to do Puniyojanam (Christening ceremony). Fanny and Panny had no words after their acheivement. Panny went out in the open to spread the virus wearing a face mask. Panny uttered his God's name Swine (pig) in reverence and raised his hands and dropped the Kirimi bomb( Virus bomb) it flew to humans , huch! one of the humans sneeze it spread then another sneezed and mission was over the nameless virus struck. Panny smsed the happenings to Fanny from the crime spot.


Swine flu huch 1 'n' 1 in sms language, which shortens already short words to even shorter single letter like OK to K.
 
  Fanny recieved the message, bulb lit over his head and they named the virus with scientific touch mixing numbers and letters and named it "Swine Flu H1 N1".


(NOTE: This post is just to tickle your funny bone and is unclassifiable bullshit)

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Friday, June 12, 2009

Racism Factoid Venkey Mankey Style

18 blesses 'n' curses

I was really disgusted at the way Indian students were being beaten up down under. Umpteen number of cases have come up just recently about racial abuse. . Do you remember Venkey and Mankey, my inner personalities? A few things were going on in my turbulent mind about this issue. Here it what happened.

Venkey: Do you know ? Indian students are being attacked by the rogues in Australia, all News channels are reporting  about this thing.

Mankey: Wow what a discovery? The Aussies are racists, they have a history of this.

Venkey: you cant present a picture on the whole country like that, it’s not fair.

Mankey: what? fair do they even know the meaning of fair, it shows in their cricket.

Venkey: Don't bring sport into this.

Mankey: Lame excuse! I don't know how Symonds lives there, probably because he is not a Indian. hahaha

Venkey: Ok I will play by your rules , what did Harbhajan do in Australia and what did the crowd do in India to Symonds, did they offer flower garland and worship Lord Hanuman. They were abusing him, you silly!

Mankey: no comments next question please.

Venkey: now that's a lame excuse!

Mankey: Ok, let us  change the topic! so do you say the attacks were not racial?

Venkey: Of course not, but you can't say the whole country is racist.

Mankey: You make me laugh.

Venkey: Do you even know the meaning of racism.

Mankey: I know

Venkey: I know you don't know anything about it. I will give the UN definition of racism.

"racial discrimination shall mean any distinction, exclusion, restriction or preference based on race, colour, descent, or national or ethnic origin which has the purpose or effect of nullifying or impairing the recognition, enjoyment or exercise, on an equal footing, of human rights and fundamental freedoms in the political, economic, social, cultural or any other field of public life."

Mankey: Hey peter ( one who speaks too much English) explain it, so that other people can understand.

Venkey: I knew you would not understand, it is so like you. Falling on the ground face first and saying there is no mud in my mush.

Mankey: OK enough! enough!, I don't have mush in the first place.

Venkey: i will tell you what racism is

"Racism is not just calling names like chinky, monkey, blacky, negro and that sort, yes it hurts ,it amounts to abuse and racism is much deeper. It is depriving people of their human rights in that society based on race"

Mankey: Stop your lecture, do you mean to say India is free of racism.

Venkey: No, we have our own share in the form of casteism, that doesn't mean India as a whole is racist or casteist. So you cant personify a whole country as racist.

Mankey: You clearly don't know which side you are in.

Venkey: I am on the right side.

Mankey: huh! I am on left side, stupid don't think you are too smart.

Venkey: Say whatever you want Truth always triumphs.

Mankey:We will see, what happened last time? muhahahahaha!

Hmm longggg conversation wasn’t it? Took me hell a lot of a time to decide which one i should go with. This time sanity prevailed i went with Venkey in me, he made some sense. Score now 1-1 . Now probably you guys could make make out the difference between racism and abusing people with filth words. If you encounter abuse, think they are suckers and just ignore it, fight if your fundamental rights are being taken of in a civilized, taking the law in your hands only makes the problem worse.

Swami Venkatanda says

" Do not portray a country as racist, because of some unclean souls, cleanse your soul. Chant the mantra 'Racist Oligaya namaha' "



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Saturday, June 6, 2009

Venkey Vs Mankey

30 blesses 'n' curses
You guys must wonder,  is "Mankey" a typo. Are Venkey and Venky the same. All the answers lie in this post.


First i will clear the air that "Mankey" is not a typo and it is my inner personality which is mischievous. There is also another character rather an angel in Venkey. And then there is me Venky aka Venkat(different from Venkey). Confusing isn't it. May be these pics would throw some light into the darkness created by my confused brain.







Now you guys must be somewhat half clear. To clear the half or to erase whatever left in your memory about this, i will give a taste of Venkey vs Mankey Medicine.


It was my accountancy examination, everything was known but became pretty alien when i started answering the questions. This was due to the constant conflict between Venkey and Mankey. It was my the last question and it's worth 20 marks good enough to get you 60 as well as bad enough to make you fail. The last thing i needed was Venkey and Mankey to battle for this one and ruin my day. But sadly in life everything never works your way. As the saying goes "if whatever you desire in life happens, then there is no God, if you always desire what is happening there is no sorrow in life" I did the latter half of the saying.


The question was to prepare a Bank balance sheet, everything was going smooth. I was happily marking the schedule. There was one such item called Acceptance on behalf the customers, that was when the party poopers came in.



Time: I forgot
Battlefield: Accountancy Examination Hall

  • Venky aka Venkat: Ok 'Acceptance on behalf of customers' which schedule will it belong to?
  • Venkey: Don't worry Venkey is here.
  • Venkat: cut the crap and tell the answer.
  • Venkey: easy bro, it belongs to schedule 12 contingent liabilities.
  • Venkat: i thought it, thanks Venkey
  • Mankey: Hey Venkat do u have any sense, you are listening to Venkey.
  • Venkat: what do you want?
  • Mankey: Venkey is wrong how can it be a Contingent liability, It is Other liability Schedule-4, think?
  • Venkey: why you! Mankey , don't listen, he is misleading.
  • Venkat: Shut up Venkey may be he his right, i am going with Mankey.
  • Venkey: you will suffer for this, Mankey i will get you next time.
  • Mankey: Muhahahaha!
  • Venkat: AH that's it, i will give this paper and leave, bye bye Corporate Accountancy.
I went out and opened the book and it not surprisingly turned out to be the wrong answer, Venkey was right. Now my life is hanging in balance.


All you guys out try listen to your Venkey or what ever you may call inside you, beware of Mankey. This is the preaching of me Swami Venkatananda. (" hey Mankey what shall we do tonight, its boring to listen to Venkey"). Pretty confusing isn't it, this is what they have done me.


( P.S if you feel really confused it is because of Mankey. Venkey has nothing to do with it, Mankey is in jail serving his sentence for that)
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