Wednesday, December 16, 2009

This is howie do it!!

25 blesses 'n' curses

Hey guys I am Dubakoor Guru, yet another Incarnation of Venky like Venkey and Mankey Confused. My main aim is to enlighten you guys how to do things.

I am back once again with a “This is howie do it” guideBig Grin. Last time I enlightened you guys about How to put together a Page 3 page. If you aren’t enlightened as yet, enlighten yourself by reading that once again here

Ok! Now back to business, this time i am gonna teach you how to put together a promo song for Bollywood. Yep, you heard that right. I’ll leave a sample at the end of the post too. Now everything has been given in points for your purpose.

1. Nowadays the opening songs are of hip hop genre, make sure it is of that kind.

2. Dont get local artists to perform in that video.Instead  get Sardars Dancingfrom London to rap. Like in this video

      

3. Now let us come to lyrics part. Most of the films like these, deal with money and how money is king and stuff like that. They enlighten you about the reality and ideality. So make sure your lyrics contain them.Smug

4.  While composing the lyrics in Hindi or another regional language make sure you insert sentences in English. It  should have no meaning and shouldn’t be clearly uttered, so that people cant understand.Chatterbox

5. Pick a catch phrase from the lyrics and that should be repeated like umpteen times.

6. Dont worry about the tune. There are millions of English music videos from which we can rip off.Winking

7. As far as the choreography is concerned, a surreal set is a must and there should be no outdoor locations.

8. The costumes of the actors also should be very western and Coolers are a must.Cool

9. As far as dancing moves, there should be a signature move which he or she should do all the time. It is usually waving the hands up and  down like a rapper and shaking your neck.

10. Last but not least the actors should give an expression they are billion bucks like thisCool

 

Put this all together you have your promo music video ready hurray!!! and the VJ will exactly point a finger in middle of the TV screen with pin point screen and presses the imaginary button and it will be played

 

Listen carefully the tune of this song is from “50 cent – yeah”. You can also observe; the set is surreal; it has one signature move, one sentence which is repeated often( Baarish kardoon Paise ki jo tu hoge meri); Akki gives a ‘billion bucks expression’ with coolers on; there English sentences in between too and it is about moneyApplause.

 

Until next time this is Dubakoor Guru signing off

 

hey one more thing guys, Speak bindass interviewed me last week; I have left a link in the sidebar in the Pages widget. Do check it out if you haven't read it as yet.


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Saturday, December 5, 2009

All in a day’s work

49 blesses 'n' curses
This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 5; the fifth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Disclaimer which actually claims something: The characters in this post exist only in this freak’s think tank if you find them in any water tank or temple tank or your Fishville tank or another place for that matter would like to meet them Big Grin

“Your time is up; my time is now now; U can’t see me; my time is now” *alarm rings*
My world was awake but i was half asleep. I asked with my mouth which smelled closely to a concoction of rotten egg and onion, still dreaming about my job “ One coffee assistant”. “The guts you have, Keshu your time is really up and John Cena ain’t going to save you” As I heard my mom sound the warning bell I rushed to the bathroom; downloaded everything I uploaded last night (you must know what i mean) and rendered the bacteria homeless by showering my body.

“keshu eat something. It won’t be nice if the interviewer sees you holding the stomach. Eat this pongal”
“I should get there to do that and the interviewer wouldn't like me, if he caught me napping after eating your heavy pongal. Later, bye”

One, Three, Six”.. I was literally jumping down those staircases, and just as I was about to leap to the final few steps i realized  I forgot something which starts with a C . Dirty guys, not that. I forgot my certificates and asked my mom to drop them down.

  You see climbing the stairs is a really tedious job when you dont have an elevator carrying you so the "U drop, I’ll catch” technique was used.

   Is it a rocket, train or bullet, no its is the dumb head me. Everyone was looking why this guy who is dressed to kill is running on the road to kill himself and drew the attention of a few street dogs, which profusely barked at me. I was waiting for like 20-25 minutes, no sign of the bus.

   There came the savior. Only problem was that there were too many to save. I was riding on the foot board of the bus. Precariously balanced, i asked for the ticket to the conductor. When things go wrong they really go wrong. A car went by and splashed muddy water all over my pants. After seeing the car go past a safe distance, abuses about him, his immediate family, his 2nd cousin et al were mouthed.

   *plonk plonk plonk* drops of rain were knocking my head. Mr.Einstein in action, I was trying to wash away the mud through rain aka God’s spit. In the process I wet my pants, which might create a doubt whether i pissed in my pants. After half an hour of struggle in the crowded bus I reached the place. But I wasn't all that impressed by the way I was looking.

   I went to the corner of the waiting hall and was sitting there. A guy who was sitting next to me asked “Quick tell me all the accounting principles”. I smiled and said “You chose the wrong guy, ask some other guy”. Everyone who entered the interview room came out like the withered crops in Farmville. I was wondering why? It was my turn Ientered the room. There was a Superhero and two side kicks
A guy in the panel who looked like a side kick asked “Why are your pants unique? I have never seen this colour before”

“Sir that is to prove, I am unique” thank God i had a good reason
Another side kick replied “Let us see that Mr…….. keshav”. The superhero asked me my certificates and was having a hard look at it. Then the sidekicks were starting to ask me a series of unwanted questions.
“When was Obama born? What is Usain bolts world record time? Who invented the computer and when was it invented?”

“Sir I know all the answers but i refuse to tell”
The superhero asked “Why?”

“Sir, my problem is that I have applied for the position of an Accounting staff. Why do you expect your accounting staff to know about Obama’s birthday and Usain Bolt record? I will answer that if you give me a much higher position and if you send me to Inter-company quiz competition”

“Ok fair enough “said the super hero. The funny thing is that I didn't know the answer to any of those questions and I managed it. Just when i relaxed, the Super hero took over from his sidekick and asked me to explain the accounting principles. I wanted to hug the guy who was discussing the answer with someone. I went ahead explaining everything.

The superhero seemed content with my answer and asked me the real reason why my pants were so jaded.
“Sir, it was raining outside, Chennai is famous for pot holes and mini lakes on the road and to add to it we have good drivers who give us a wash for free in that water. To be honest I was late, no more excuses”

In that process I gave all the excuses I could and bluffed i had no excuses for being late and untidy. That is a neat trick to have, isn’t it?. Super hero gave a mean look and said i may go. I walked out confidently unlike others that I ensured I would be booted out for my gimmicks.

"Shucks keshu, looks like the Boss is straight on to your cabin, QUICK, QUICK, shut it down!"

“G.. Goo.. Good morning sir”

“Oh! Good Morning keshav. Carry on,Son. By the way keshav, I want that report done by today”. (Boss walks away)

“Close Shave, keshu. Think he wants you to get the post done by today,, he he”

“Guess, he had no clue as to what i was upto”

“Now where did i leave THE BLOG POST at ?”

.....I would be booted out for my gimmicks.
"He he!!" I let out a wry smile, I had got the Job after all. 


THIS IS JUST A SHORT STORY PLEASE DONT CONGRATULATE ME FOR GETTING THE JOB.




The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

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