Sunday, March 6, 2011

My name is Venkatadri

Oh Yeah! If you didn’t know my full name, it is Venkatadri. Now let us rewind to the past, say August 31st 1989 7.08 pm. The baby Venk was born nameless. The Baby Venk’s dad decided to name him “Venkatadri” because he had a friend by that name who was polite, God fearing and wore a “Thirmann” (for you guys it is simply Naamam) in his forehead. Years passed and The Baby Venk soon became The kid Venk. The Kid Venk passed LKG with flying colors and he had to write his name on a cardboard hat. Every other kid just had to say the name and the teacher would spell it.

But The Venk had trouble brewing, the teacher asked “Come here, What’s your name?”

He never knew the eternal mantra “It doesnt matter what the name is” so he said, “My name is Venkatadri”

The teacher was quiet befuddled “Venkatachalam?!!”

The Kid Venk got pissed off “No miss! Venkatadri”

The clueless teacher replied “Do one thing child, let your mom write your name on it!”

The Kid Venk returned home and asked his mom “Amma spell my name” After some discussion with dad she said “V E N K A T A D R I” A naive Kid Venk asked “So these bunch of letters are my name?! Shouldn’t it be ‘D H R I’” The kid Venk’s mom got annoyed “Deii! Stop asking questions and write these letters on the hat” And that was how The Venk got enlightened of his name’s spelling at tender age!

Wherever The Venk went, new names got added to the list. On one fine day, to be precise, sports day, The Venk enrolled himself for a  running race. Yeah I caught your mind voice, leave the poor kid alone! It was 1st standard and I ran fast enough. Lets not get into the controversial result part and get to the enrolling.

The person who was writing down the names asked “what is your name?”

“VENKATADRI”

“What?! VENKATAGIRI?”

*When did D sound like G!* “No, Venkatadri! Shall i spell?”

“I dont have time for this, Venkatagri it is!”

  Holy Jesus! VENKATAGRI is even worse! If only, i was friends with @Cheese_charmer at that time, he would come up with something like What would you call if The Venk did agriculture? VenkatAGRICULTURE! The guy is a pucca wordplay addict I tell you!

  Every new person gets the first part of my name right “Venkat….” and then their brain numbs! ‘VenkatWHAT?”  Seriously they must have never heard Suprabatham, Kali kaalam! kali kaalam! And the trend continued till I switched schools from Alpha matriculation to GRT Mahalakshmi Vidyalaya. Every new teacher who came to my class asked my name and got owned! If i get a substitute teacher, I would be like “Oh! damn here we go again” . Sometimes it would be “Venkatachalam” or “Venkatachalapathy”, sometimes “Venkatesh”, sometimes “Venkatagiri”, sometimes “Venkata3” (Actually, which is much better!) but mostly it was “Venkatachalam” And oh yeah one creep called me “Venkatachari”

The number of times my name got confused decreased drastically when I switched school! But then a new thing clung on! Every time I say “I study at GRT Mahalakshmi Vidyalaya” they would go like, “GRT Thanga Maaligai?” Chuck that! I thought there could be no more addition to my mispronounced name list but my PT teachers thought differently!

There you go, my PT teacher Mrs Bhuvana “What is your name?”

“My name is Venkatadri”

“VenkataBADHRI?!”

Onion chutney on a paasi paruppu pongal! VENKATABADHRI?!!!! The annoying thing is, she kept on calling me that even after, me telling her umpteen number of times!

There you go again, my PT teacher Mr Sarathi “Adeiii! Tell your name I have to note it down for the for the T-shirt size!”

“Oh okay, Red house, size: XL and the name is Venkatadri”

“Okay VenkatRAJ I noted it down, come and take your shirt tomorrow”

I’ve never heard Venkatraj before in my life! I just giggled and went off the room! I became so paranoid, that when people ask my name for noting it down i used to spell them “V E N K A T A D R I” I never talked in class because the class leader would butcher by writing my name on the board.

But to my surprise, i didn’t have to repeat my name over and over again since college! May be the world started waking up to Suprabatham once again! I thought, why shouldn’t i tweak my own name. I realised that my name was infinitely tweakable.

Oh! You name yourself The Rock! I am The Venk. Oh! you’re John Cena! I am Venk Cena! Move over Undertaker; I am Venktaker! You dont call me Thayir Sadam, I am vencurd! My Micros SD car aint a memory card, it is “vencard” What if my sister marries and bears a child and what would it call me? Uncle! NO “Vencle!” I just kept on tweaking every other thing that i possibly can!

Just when I thought it was all over, IT begun! I went to The Indian Bank a few days back to take a DD! And you know how these guys at the Bank work! The guy asked me to sit down and told that he would call my name when he prints the DD, that too I was the only one he had to serve! That imbecile called me! “VENGADAGIREE” I guess this never ends! Ah! IT DOESNT MATTER MY NAME IS!

15 blesses 'n' curses:

Mr.ClAiRvOyAnT said...

Hahahahahaha... Awesome read da... Chanceless... Loved it a lot.. Some parts were really hilarious.. Ultimate!! \m/

Srinivas said...

Aaaah... now I understand why you got religiously worked up about your name dude!!! :D A long time wait on this space, but one very much worth its weight in gold in hindsight :) :) :)

Many lines, references and expressions cracked me up. The place where you mention @cheese_charmer was hilarious: Venkatariculture sounds like heights of Venkreativity (see even I can tweak your name and praise you. Simult. Simbli-simble. :D)

"Onion chutney on a paasi paruppu pongal! VENKATABADHRI?!!!!" Rotfl! yepdi ipdi boss?! :D sollavella. :D :D

That's about it for now Vencle. ;) :D Fine fine post and lots of laughter, which is always a relief :)

Srinivas said...

A couple of slips I spotted:

"Just when I thought it was all over, IT begun" -it should be "it begAn".

Your use of capital "k" in "kid" is not consistent. You could make all references Kid Venk or kid Venk :)

In sentences where you employ quotes, the quote should be preceded by a comma if you're saying someone said it or a colon if it is an extension of situation: for instance,

'The Kid Venk got pissed off “No miss! Venkatadri” ' - there must be a colon after "pissed off" and in the following sentence a comma after "replied":

'The clueless teacher replied “Do one thing child, let your mom write your name on it!” '

"If only, i was friends with @Cheese_charmer at that time, he would come up with something like..." - tense issues: let me rephrase that for you... "If only I HAD BEEN friends with @cheese_charmer at that time, he would HAVE come up with something like..."

Let me also give you the explanation: "was" indicates a state of affairs entirely in the past but "had been" is a more open reference which does not definitively say when you became friends and just that at the point of reference you weren't friends.

"had been" and "would have" have a kind of agreement; they occur with one another just like "was" and "would" :)

Vignesh said...

hahahahaha thaarumar post da. Loved every single thing. Made me laugh throughout :D and the VenkAGRICULTURE epic-o-epic hahaha. Great job da. Mass post :)

Phoenix said...

Venkatabadri and vencle... Rofl... Vengadagiree??? pedigree sounds better! :-D

The Venk said...

@Vinay thanks da :-)

The Venk said...

@Srini Thanks a lot :-) Now people will know why i call you GURU! Thanks for pointing out the mistakes! I will surely rectify them!!!

The Venk said...

@Vennesh: You would have easily come up with Venkatagriculture! :-D

The Venk said...

@Phoenix: Yeah sounds the worst! I hate it!

sti said...

it is really an awesome post... nice 2 read.. hilarious n err.. sorry abt ur plight :P

whatsupdoc? said...

perumaal paeru...ivaalukellaam puriyavekkavae mudiyaadhu is what my paati might have said...I say killer post...

Vysh @The Colourful Eyes said...

Hilarious !!!!

A V.gud one , I njyed thru .. Sry I laughed out fr evrything, bt Watto do Cant help it..

:) Show this fr Evry particular who misSpel ur name..
Evn I lov my name, Kinda hate who cals my name difrnt.. !! I guess u too a victim !

Cheeers :)
Vysh

The Venk said...

@Sti: hehehe thanks! Atleast i get the kick out of writing a post on it :-)

@Whatsupdoc? Thanks da! All paati's are like that only :-)

@Vysh: I will be so happy if i made people laugh! :-) So I am delighted that you laughed out for everything :-)

Bedlam said...

Oh God!!!!!!! this was really hillarious.. =)) =))

Nice knowin you Venky :P

I'l try findin a new name for you. :P

Bedlam said...

Sorry to have commented before the post could end. It was really that funny..

I luv the end more, Mr Vencle.. :P:P

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