Saturday, August 22, 2009

Parties, Page 3 and bullshit

I recently read all three of the famous newspapers in the city. They are TOI, Indian Express and Deccan Chronicle. All three papers had one thing in common. No not the omnipresent Swine flu headlines in the front or Jaswant Singh's Jinukku chikkan Jinnah controversy. But one thing that is common almost everyday, is their add on page. To be precise the page dedicated to parties. I find that page completely annoying to the core.

I did some homework and came up with how to get together this page yourself. Here is a tutorial.

1. First if you are a Journo, all you need is a nice camera and an ID 

2. Bump into some party. That party need not have a celebrity.

3. If you have them, there is no harm. They are there for publicity so click them, you might get an interview from them someday.

4. Now comes the photos part. First is to take a pic of the DJ in the party. It is a must or else it will look like a headless body.



The pose of the DJ should be something like the above picture. No party page is complete without a picture of DJ having funky hairstyle, a tattoo and showing his biceps while showing the thumbs symbol

5. Next you got to get a picture of three friends putting their hands on each other's shoulder or something like that. One of them should definitely give a funky pose.


6. Next you got to get a pic of a couple toasting wine or something like that. If you have pictures of a couple of couples, jackpot!! Keep it. That might come into play in the next party. You need not go there, you can post that some other day.

7. Then get a picture of a single man holding a glass of beer and a single woman holding her hand bag and looking else where. Don't worry, you need not know their Facebook profile know whether they are single. Just click the picture separately, they both might turn out to be a couple and you can cook up a story that they met each other at the party and sensationalize the whole thing

8. Get a picture of old men and women too if you find them. You would have heard about 13 going on 30 there will be some people who are 60 going on 30 or 50 going on 20.


9. Now comes my favorite part, naming them. This will test your naming skills. You would have thought some funky names for your baby, all comes to the table now. Name them whatever you want if don't know them. Charge them if they wanted their real name to be printed on the daily, business tactics.

10. This the last step, summarizing the event. Use simple English and line up all the names you posted below the pictures, one by one and say they all had a blast.  

(P.S The above images were chosen randomly from e papers. Sorry if anyone felt hurt. A person who asks sorry is a human but a person who forgives is valiant. I am a human are you, are you valiant? If you still cant bear just curse me in the comments section.)

26 blesses 'n' curses:

Srini said...

@Venks

Some talent you have got mate! ;) Awesomely written. I loved the part about the couple of couples the best - I am lazy y'see so if I go to a party with 50 couples will click at least 20 so I can use during autumn times. rotfl.

As for DC... well... a friend of mine called it sth a couplea yrs ago. I do not want to voice that on public portal. Maybe elsewhere! :P

Shruti said...

Venky..
awesome i must say!!!
When i read the chennai times i will see The 3rd page and wonder what these people are doing..
Now i understood,. You wanna know whats that?!
Just for helping you in your research about those party stuffs?!
Hey i must say its a wonderful analysis i must say!!

Kalakitta po!! Scene...

Keep smiling!

rimz said...

Ahhh dts grt.. u hve missed out a word dat the newspaper use frequently incase they fail to name the characters. PYT ~ the worrd is in vogue thse days. Formerly i used to wonder wat it is, now i got d hold..hehe..
fun post.
kip writing.. cheers...:)
tk cre.

Sandhya said...

LOL!! Some patience you've got.. Nice analysis.. :D
Keep it going

Meow said...

Thumbi :) sama analysis da.... better you can join some newspaper company and be editor for them.... :) loved this post and wow I loved choosing funky names part and 13 going on 30 part :) thumbi am proud of you da :)

anupama said...

Dear Venky,
lovely and real humorous!a good homework n i enjoyed thoroughly.rightly said,the terms n pictures;anywhere anytime ,the same!we must keep the humour spirits alive!it rarely happens.hey,you are gifted that way.
i always wanted to be a journalist reacting to the injustice,the real rebel type!:)
now i ended up as a blogger!:)
HAPPY GANESH CHATURTHI!

Shankar said...

Venky: I was wondering everytime..everyday..when I read TOI....DO party's are held daily everywhere in the city?Daily one party..The people attending the party has no other work it seems....

HaRy!! said...

Oh ya i admit...have seen the page3 crap in chennai and its no big deal at all!..nejama yu just said all those stuff which i have given a thought myself...yeah DJ's, partys...all of yu said! think most of us are annoyed...and have yu seen Bangalore's indian express? goddd!

sayrem said...

i got the parties and the page 3.
weres the bullshit?

Ajay Shyam said...

well,, as you guys all know Page 3 is jus utter crap!! they jus look for ways to fill de gaps and spaces n there you go!! u have one li'l 'bird' visitin places/parties and reportin news,, 'thats so naive i would tell myself",, frankly i wonder how many ppl even bother to lay their eyes on that page?! o_O

vEnKy said...

@ srini

this is to much once a season you seem to be lazier than me. DC is the daddy of parties page.

vEnKy said...

@ Shruthi

Now you wont wonder what they are and how can you help with my research about this bullshit.

vEnKy said...

@ Rimz

Hey abbreviate PYT. i never noticed that, i think the naming theory is followed here

vEnKy said...

@ Sowmi

Do you want the newspaper to go bonkers. That will only happen if i am the editor

vEnKy said...

@ Sandya

Thank you, it comes easy when you have comprise with every other thing

vEnKy said...

@ Anupama

I am glad you fond that humorous, and don't worry you can also be a blogging journo who actually is not journo but pretends to be one.

vEnKy said...

@ hary

I will check out the banglore version in the internet

vEnKy said...

@ Shankar

Dei there are many parties held in the city and they are nights da they dont sleepy but party. They are people who have their pockets full of cash and things money cant buy, Visa card.

vEnKy said...

@ Sayrem

Parties and page 3 are the bullshit silly

vEnKy said...

@ Ajay shyam

I am in complete agreement with you

Insignia said...

Heiyya,

First time here. I totally enjoyed this post. Classic analysis. This is way too better.

Have you taken a look at P3 of TOI-Bangalore?? Better dont :-)

Nice one again :-)

vEnKy said...

@ insignia

Nice to see in my blog. I am glad you liked it, haven't yet read it

Govind Paliath said...

Macha ultimate da!
If you want to become a page 3 celebrity just host a party at home, call some vetti people like me and before you know it, you'll be in the papers the next day!:)

vEnKy said...

dei me becoming a page 3 celebrity is not gonna happen. All i have to do is go to one of tose parties I need not be a celeb, pretend to be the DJ u r in.

Shas said...

Lolzzz.......you have given a quick guide to become a Page3 journo.
Are you a Page3 journo???

vEnKy said...

@ Shas

I am not a page journo. Neither do i want do that crap. thanx for visiting shas keep visiting

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