Monday, September 28, 2009

Midnight's call


This is my first attempt at writing a short story. I hope this one fits the bill because I have mixed feelings about it. Here it goes…..

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   “ Time is now 11.00 AM” sounded the alarm. An arm just rose and hit on its head and went back to bed. “ Time now is 12.00 PM”, this time a leg kicked the clock out of its porch. “Time is now 1.00 pm”, a leg kicked, this time he was at the receiving end, drenched in water. “Now get up you lazy goose” his mom said. He reluctantly got up and went up grumbling, now to his laptop . “Welcome to Windows vista” it uttered. “Connecting to Local area network”….. “Loading Vasudevan991@gmail.com…..” He started checking his mail and then updated his Facebook, Orkut, Twitter and every other social networking site in the World Wide Web. He was getting tired of resting and hit the bed to rest even more.

   2 years had passed since his graduation, yet there were no signs of him getting any job nor was he interested in one. His parents were worried about his attitude. He was quite a rich guy; to be precise his parents were rich. Time was now 8.00 pm, nearing the ‘Dhan te nan time’, that’s how he calls late night pubbing. He had a shower took out his party wear, donned it and rode straight to the pub on his ‘Enticer’. 

    He was riding his bike so fast in a drunken state. A dog ran across the road, he maneuvred and went past it and then came a cat, a black one, he maneuvred and went past that one too and then came this fairly old guy with ragged clothes and dreadlocked hair, bang! He hit him. Vasu went skidding on the road and the rugged ragged guy was literally blown off his feet and fell where he belonged, the platform. Though it seemed to be a brutal accident, it wasn’t one. The man had sprained his leg and Vasu had some cuts. Now that’s what you call third time unlucky or was he?

   Vasu got up and yelled at the man “You blind moron, do you have your brains in the place or do you have !$@%^ . Oh sorry you don’t know English, kurutukku kabothi, moola vechirukira eduthula !@#$ vechirukiya da” he uttered the same in Tamil.

The ragged man smiled and said “chill down young man, and thanks for the lift to the platform i really wanted to go there. I was sick of walking from there ”.

Vasu was taken aback by the way he dealt with him and his impeccable accent. The man asked “what are you staring at? i can speak English. For Pete's sake stop staring ” 

   “ So you get up really late right and you spend the whole time toying with your laptop and then pubbing right”, he smiled sheepishly.

   “But how do you know that? you are freaking me out ” said a befuddled Vasu.

“You see I was exactly like you and I could spot that from you. My life changed suddenly. I had only my dad, my mom died before I even had a look. I also lost him in an accident. Thanks to my AC accustomed body, TV watching eyes  and Internet surfing fingers; I ran into a road block when my dad died. Till this point i have not done anything meaningful in life. I lost everything. This platform has become my home and mosquitoes have become my friends ”, Vasu was silently listening to all this.

   “Hey I am the one who should be sad buddy not you, your time will come , just kidding”

   “Whatever,  I am leaving now” said a shit scared Vasu seeing a creepy man divulging such details and lifted up his Enticer and scooted.

   Wouldn’t you be shit scared if a man like him tells details about you, that too at the stroke of midnight. On his way home with his smashed Enticer, he was thinking of his future. More importantly he was thinking what he was doing presently.Was he a ghost? Was he a messenger? All questions remained unanswered. Whoever he was; he surely sent shivers down Vasu’s spine all for the right reason.

   “Time is now 7.30AM” Vasu got up and went straight to his laptop. This time he was busy uploading his profile to Job websites. This is what fear can do to people. That day he went to the same place to meet him.

“Hi, remember me. I think I can help you ” ;

“enna dorai pesara onnum puriliye namakku Englipese laam varathu pa”( what are you talking i cant understand English).

“May be he is not the one, I think he had some more beard like dad. Must be a hangover. I don't want to end up like him even in my dreams, anyway. I better hurry now” , he said to himself and walked away.

34 blesses 'n' curses:

R S V said...

excellent story..the theme was good...the turns excellent...the narration was also excellent..but u could have avoided some of the smileys....don't take me otherwise..its just an advice... overuse of smileys sometimes spoils the show!!

Meow said...

Short story is good... apdiye in your style like any other post of yours... so simple and fantabulous :)Avoid smileys!

Anu...:) said...

Good story!:)
Congrats for your debut :P

vEnKy said...

@ RSV

Thanks buddy for being candid, i myself thought of that will surely delete the smileys

Srini said...

aahaan... quirky ending, dude. Nice I guess for a first attempt! :) I would give that a four on five (purely because I come from a strict English teacher's tutelage! :p)

Note: you seem to have confused the two spellings of "maneuver". One is spelt "manoeuvre" (British) and the other as I have spelt it in quotes.

Cheers and goodnight! :)

vEnKy said...

@ Anu
thank you and bows

vEnKy said...

@ Meow

thanks as i said to rahul i am deleting them

vEnKy said...

@ Srini

ya i was a confused MS word showed this "manoeuvered" and Live writer showed the other and word web dictionary gave different meanings for both. I was stumped and u spotted it right

AJai said...

I think stories come nicely to you. But you are over-simplifying things. You need to read more... get more depth in your writing.
And the smilies were actually irritating... get rid of them and the reader will enjoy it more.

Ajay Shyam said...

cheers venky, all good stories have great climaxes!! this one did!!

but i think i should say this,, it was a good theme alright but made ordinary with your 'less interesting' usage of words and phrases!! i think there are a few things/sequences that were draggin and must say borin at times,, the dog ant cat sequences were almost irrelevant/unnecessary!!


the longer you can keep the reader interested, the better it is esp. in a short story!!

in typical rajeev masand style,, i'll give 3 on 5 jus for the great climax!!

Shankar said...

Hey..a very nice story...expressed in a very neat manner..really a nice story da....

vEnKy said...

@ Ajai

I wanted it to be simple because many people end up not understanding,perhaps i have taken that a bit too far.

vEnKy said...

@ Ajay Shyam

The same thing said to your namesake, perhaps i made to too simple. I don't think it was dragging. You cant go about things without building up a tempo. Already u have accused me of over simplicity so if had done that it would have been much worse. And i certainly agree with your 3 out of 5 star could have been better.

vEnKy said...

@ Shankar

Thanks da but i think i have to improve. "My Best is yet to come"

rimz said...

ahhh a very nice one indeed... loved the ending of d story...:)

Uncommon Sense said...

excellent, had everything all masalas and moral too

Shruti said...

venks
Awesome..
55fiction, ippo short story!!
Nice going dude!
Masal vada-part 2 yeppo yezhudha pora?
I have become ur 55F's Fan!! :)

frozenwell said...

excellent narration as it was narrated the way it was!!!couldn't have been said better!!I like the humour in the beginning and the 'life change' scene in the end..i like the way you spoke tamil...i liked it because i couldnt understand it and i was reading it ..LOL...thanks for your translations...nice posts overall..and twitter,facebook,orkut??i think its high time i got rid of these....(@mr.human laughs.. :P...-you wont get this joke unless you read my last post..:P)

this is called cheap marketing tactics..on other ppl's blogs??LOL..
take care..and hope the protagonist was not inspired by your own life o something..!huh!

frozenwell said...

those were my likes..and here are my dislikes(when i went thro ur blog..)

why the heck you say Recent Bullshit !!

not done dude!!!

treasure your stuf..dont brand them bulshit...leave that job to us :P//no seriously...you write well the reverse psychology aint gonaa work!!

regards
-narendra

HaRy!! said...

kalakal bro!! neat way to express stuff!Hmm can imagine to what parents have to go, just to make their kids understand the basic necessity of lyfe!! now thats a dangerous but yeah..very effective way indeed...nee yengayooo poite!

neha said...

awesome dude!

does not look to me a first attempt of any sort! nicely written stuff.

:)

Ajay Shyam said...

@ venks
well, makin it simple doesn necessarily mean you should over emphasise on each fact!! you dont have to spoon feed the reader!! a few things are always better when the reader himself/herself understands it rather than you explaining him 1+1 makes 2!

vEnKy said...

@ Uncommon Sense

thanks buddy but masala ? :o

vEnKy said...

@ Rimz

Thanks you so much.

vEnKy said...

@ Shruti

epdi usupethti uspethiye udamba ranagalamaakidareengalae. Thanks i am honored

vEnKy said...

@ Narendra

First of all i am glad you like it, hey i think you didn't se my earlier posts thats y u are sayin its not bullshit. Last 3 posts have been an exception? and it aint reverse psychology dude

vEnKy said...

@ Ajay shyam

point well taken will look to improve on it.

vEnKy said...

@ Hary

Yeah parents go through lot to get their child on track. Of course, there are exceptions like my parents who are lucky hehehehe

KParthasarathi said...

You have written very nicely laced with humour.The interest never flagged.Do write regualrly and over a period of time the writing skill gets honed.
Congrats!!

vEnKy said...

@ k Parthasarathi

That's really great compliment coming from a really great person thank you sir

evanescentthoughts said...

Hey this was an awesome short story.. very well narrated.. had hopped into your blog earlier too(we have many common blog buddies).. blogrolling you!

vEnKy said...

@ Evanescent Thoughts

Thank you very. Yeah we do have lots of common blog buddies now we cam be one too :)

Gyanban said...

I think your subsequent posts are better and it shows.
also, just an observation - you might want to reverse your comment status to

blessings and curses rather than the other way round...just being positive you know ;-))

vEnKy said...

Thanks Gyanban. The more you write the better it gets isnt it?

Sure i will change to blessings and curses :)

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