Monday, September 21, 2009

An Irksome Story told to a 7 yr old

    My 7 yr old cousin Aarthi, Stayed back at our place a few days back. She wanted me to tell her a story. The freak’s grey matter was in search mode now.  It found a theme and built up on it. The result was the remix of Mahabharata, MAHABOREATHA.

    I started, “ There were two  Rap gangs” only to be  interrupted, “ what is a rap Venky?”. I replied in only the way i can, “ good question ;You say rhymes, don't you?  Eat a kozhukattai and say that very fast, that is rapping ” She gave a big grinBig Grin 

   I continued with my incessant crap talk . “The 2 rap gangs were Funky Five Pan Doves and Giant Gs. The Funky five were Top Dogg Dhamn, ARJ, Bheems, Nak and Sak. The GGs were many in number but notable were DJ Duri and his bro DJ Douche.  All of them honed their rapping skills at Deadly Drone’s Rap class. ARJ was the best of the lot.  

    It all was hunky dory until Big Daddy D composed a Dapaang Kuthu ( A style of folk music in Tamil Nadu). The advisor of Daddy D was Big Poppa B-eesh. Both the gangs wanted to remix that Dapaang kuthu but Uncle Pan Doo wanted GG’s to get the right to remix”

   Not to my surprise i was questioned again in her baby voice “Venky what is remix?”.I defined remix as a song whose real music is added with some fast beats, i mean that ‘dup dup’ sound at faster pace and some funky noises in English, between the lyrics. How is that for a definition? 

   I continued “There was a problem of who will get the right to remix. ARJ’s friend, Kool Krish sided their way and told he would help them defeat the GGs. Uncle Pan doo, Big Poppa B-eesh and Drone sided GGs way. They were further beefed up with the addition of the Super Rapper Kar Rant. He raps his rants, a good guy at heart, only one to rival ARJ. 
   The competition was that whoever plays the loudest rap and gets the most foul words from the passers by and people devoid of sleep at night wins the right to remix. The Stage was set at  the mini everglades at our street ages back
“Stay Tuned for the next episode of MAHA –BORE -ATHA” i mocked Dragon Ball Z. 
Aarthi then threatened me “If you dont tell me now i will cry and every one will abuse you”. Hearing this i had mixed feelings a:that a soul likes this and b:fear at the prospect of being abused if i dont continue. With all things taken in mind I decided to break the break and continued.

       Big Poppa B rapped his Vishnu Sahasranamam, only to score an OG because everyone praised him. Top Dogg Dhamn and Deadly Drone followed suit scoring OG's for their respective factions, as they were good at heart and people praised them as well. Pan Doo came in and remixed the Vishnu Sahasranamam and evened the odds, negating the OG's scored by the Ol'dies.

     DJ Duri was smart enough to sense Kool Krish's plans and sent his lil bro DJ Douche. DJ Douche was rapping horriblly and teased women. Kool krish heard their cries and pulled the already below waist pants of DJ Douche even lower.

    Nak and Sak took advantage of this and rapped " Liar Liar Pants on Fire" and got back abuse from GGs who were more than 100 in number. Then Came Kar rant rapping his rant and stealing the show. Kool krish rapped something secretly to ARJ. ARJ quickly remixed the remix version of “Aap ka Suroor” and defeated Kar Rant , which he called Himmesh Astharam.
   DJ Duri was wrecking havoc and gulping abuses, Bheems, the drummer started beating the drums and DJ Duri's voice was unheard and Bheems defeated DJ Duri. The Funky Five Pan Doves Remixed the song and lived happily ever after.  But the people in the colony slept sadly ever after, that night.

After this i was confronted with some questions only a child can ask.

Aarthi: how big is Kool Krish. Is he ‘2nd standard’ big?

Venky: Surprise age? 2nd standard. When did he go to school?

Aarthi: I saw his picture in the puja room, he looked like 2nd standard boy.

Venky: OK , thats was when he was young. All the gang members are of working age, they have finished college; Drone, Poppa, Daddy D and Pan doo are retirement age GranpsLaughing. Understood ?

Mom: Venky will you stop this nonsense ?Time out

Venky: hey U…, talkin to me ? Cool

Mom : Feeling beat upnow leave . Aarthi sleep don’t listen to this moron

Aarthi: Laughing Rolling on the floor Yawn Sleepy

Disclaimer: Any resemblance to epic is not coincidental and is intentional.  Just have a laugh like my cousin did Happy

37 blesses 'n' curses:

Shankar said...

ha..ha..very funny one..venky... very funny..

Meow said...

Ena pa idhelam??? Enaku romba pidichichu :) I am LOLing ROFL!!!!!! and you'll make good DAD to your kid by telling such stories... btw when did you jump into rapping and remixing in blog??? sooper appu :)

rimz said...

awwwww..dts hilarious...dude y dont u try to publish a buk on this Maha-bora-atha... i tell u dt wil b a big hit...:)
kip it up..cheers..
enjoyed it totally... wil b waiting fr mooore.....:D

Sandhya said...

Madness!! Pavam da andha kozhanda.. Unna mari oru Anna irundha porum :P Nasama pochu!
Keep up the gooood work...

vEnKy said...

@ Shankar

Next time Dramayanam solren

vEnKy said...

@ Meow

Thank you. From friday.

vEnKy said...

@ Rimz

Thanks for the idea. I will publish a 7 bor(e)t series and rake in the moolah

vEnKy said...

@ Sandya

Very lucky girl she is to have me as her brother hehehe

Srini said...


Aarthi paavam pa! :p. And yes those questions can be only asked by a child (your use of smileys is simply other-world stuff dude! :D). And in which world do seven year olds continue to recite rhymes???

Now, the names were awesome... like some desi-Ami combo. Mahaboreatha - irreverence at its comical peak! Hmmm...

Nice one. Cheers and I am glad your cousin gave you an opportunity to clear your blogger block! ;) :)

Shruti said...

Hey un kuzhandha romba kuduthuvechurkku!
But guess what? Your to-be wife will come and tell her,
'Hey kid, sleep.. Don't listen to your dad. He is a moron!'

I was laughing all the way!!
Damn good!

spitvenom said...

Maha Super Appu!

vEnKy said...

@ Srini

Actually i like mahabaratha buddy, its got all thing sin ti you know. this was just for fun. I meant she used to say rhymes buddy.

Anu...:) said...

Paavam Aarthi! :P
More paavam are the characters who "co-incidently" resemble the characters of some epic :P

HeeHeeHeeHee :D:D:D

vEnKy said...

@ Shruthi

Whatever, i happy i can make people laugh.

vEnKy said...

@ spit venom

thanks appu

@ anu

Hey liked the story you know?

Shruti said...

Serious aaitaya?! :O

vEnKy said...

@ Shruthi

Cha cha never chumma build up :)

Ajay Shyam said...

huh,, great story dude!! btw, wonder what would happen if ever vyasa got to read this??

well, atleast now i know where to go if someone needs a Baby-sitter!! :p

HaRy!! said...

ha ha avamana pattan autokaran :)! oru chinna ponu kuda parkamaa..mokai podringalae? ithu yelam konjam over ah ila? characters yelam real mathiriyeee theriyuthe? nice one...and good coming up with a similar post on a 7 year old :)!..cya :)


vEnKy said...

@ Ajay

Sure buddy than happy to be the manny ( male nanny) :)

vEnKy said...

@ Hary

will be waiting for ur mokkai lets see who is boss

R S V said...

pardon me Venky, I had read this post the day when u told me about it...but I took my time..
the nomenclature u have used is intelligently awesome and my not so sharp mental faculties took their time to decode them...
ingenious bro,.....that was a laughter rafter....

u are cool dude, dude....

AJai said...

Good lord! Sage Vysya must be pulling his hair out... he he!

vEnKy said...

@ Ajai

I would advice him to cut his hair short. hehehe ;)

vEnKy said...


who am i to pardon u buddy. Thank you buddy, you are one of the few who noticed that.

Praveen Kurra said...


Remember you asked me to give my comments on your posts?!

Just went through this and this is my first one(sorry for the delay)

Plus points: (1)Creativity (2) Imagination (3)Vocabulory

Minus Points (1) Readability (2) Plot

BIG MINUS: Grammatical mistakes, too much jargon.

Suggest you improvise more on writing skills..I'll do a favour for you, I am going on vacation tomorrow..will take a copy of this write up and send my analysis. I am pretty sure it will be a value addition for you.

Will go through your other posts soon and get back to you.

All the best,

vEnKy said...

Thanx buddy will mail you i detail about this.

sayrem said...

there was a reason I never asked my Brother to tell me stories when I was small. Im sure you know why.

vEnKy said...

@ sayrem

hahaha sure

Nανєєη said...

rofl! ... someone make a spoof movie out of this ..
although would have loved it more if u developed the plot better n longer(try making a series of posts out of this)
try doing same with ramayana

Just loved this idea ... creative genius !!

vEnKy said...

@ Naveen Kumar

i would have developed it much like the saas bahu serial which go on for ages. But i dont poor reader to suffer my wrath for so long. Surely will give ramayana, wonder how should i proceed with story hmmm

RSV said...

With utmost satisfaction, i would like to inform you that this post of yours has been selected as a suiting piece to honor my newly installed wall of fame.
So, I would like you to take out some of your precious time and gimme a small writeup introducing this post in about 40-50 words to mail
I would also appreciate it if you could nominate some more posts(including yours) which can be pinned up on my wall.

yours truly

The unsure ascetic said...

Thats awesome, came here from RSV wall of fame. Brilliant creativity in combining facts with humour!

vEnKy said...

@ Unsure ascetic

thank you check my other post as well u wont be disappointed

vEnKy said...

@ RSv

I am honoured once again thank you so much bro

Sreevas said...

i feel for Aarthi....quite hilarious though...

vEnKy said...

Thank you for giving this a look

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