Monday, May 28, 2012

Mindvoice Catching

        During one of those Share Auto rides back home from the exam centre near Panagal park, I was wondering, we always look the world through our eyes. How would it look from someone else's perspective?" Like always I drifted from the deep 'We should put ourselves in others shoes' to "I am so bored let me hate this guy" mode. I was trying to catch the mind voices of people and guess what would they be thinking. Pardon the language, there is absolutely no censorship to the mind.

  Hmm! Lets start with the Auto driver who was honking continously when the Share Auto driver was picking people up at the signal. There is some legit heat between the Auto and Share Auto drivers because the share autos were putting auto drivers out of business. The Auto driver must be thinking "Dei Baadu! I let you in my house and you corrected my wife and you're running with her! thoo" One should understand the metaphors from that by lifting the Kasamusa veil. As my mom would say "Onda vanda pidari ah oor pidariya thorathina kadha" For Non-tamils, exactly what Whites did to the Red Indians.

A mami who was sitting in the auto, "To whom shall i ask "when da you will get married??? Ha! pakathu veetu kichha yay! Oh He is married no? Then I will ask "When is the good news?" or Ava athula Rasam ah illa mor kozhamba? Ava Or pudi enna panra?"

One appavi guy sitting like he ate ginger, "Whether the Share Auto driver will charge Rs 10 or Rs 15"  The Share auto driver asks Rs 15 and the guy goes "motherfuckaaa!" in his mind

A korean set guy with funk and cow dung colored hair playing "venaam machaan venaam" loudly and putting HANS in his right cheek, "Haiyoo! How many figures will I correct with my look and newly bought korean set from richie street!" 

   Talking of Korean set guys, let us shift the scene to the Tirusoolam railway station where a Korean set guy is getting down from the running train, "How many figures saw my dastardly act" He then pushes the moving train and footboards into the running train "grrrr Feel my power girl! Hulk! pushhh" All the local figures go "wow! See him di hoahah" accompanied with an asattu sirippu and the snobby figures go "Why didn't Tsunami lift these blackguards" and the Korean set guy sports a "I was not at beach during Tsunami-look"

Ok enough of Korean set guys. The next day, I was writing some shit about "Intrusion detection systems" like AVG, Avast and Malwarebytes Anti malware are good and windows firewall sucks and some unrelated shit to fill up the pages in the Information Technology and Strategic Management paper. Suddenly a thought crossed my mind. We dread exams. We bitch about exams boring us. We say we write stories during exam. We say we cannot copy because of the invigilator. We complain that we need to park our ass in the bench for 3 hrs. But but but! Have you ever imagined the plight of the invigilator while you are out there spreading shit on your answer sheets that no human being has any clue whatsoever. TNEB cuts power 2hrs a day, we go crazy and wonder what to do. But this pitiful thing cannot use cell phone or roam outside or keep on drawing and erasing a graph/flowchart and keep repeating till the paper tears, like you do. They must be totally pissed off, mustn't they?

A student is writing some shit like "Charles babage is the father of 1st generation computers and 1st generation computer is the father of 2nd generation computers and that's why Charles Babbage is the grand father of 2nd generation computers" when asked about 1st generations Computers in their Infotech exams. The invigilator at the back goes "Another waste of space on this earth! GO DIE! I will sue the hospital you were born in. The Doctor is a sinner!"

One of the few thrills that an examiner can seek in an exam hall is when they get a chance to catch the bugger who's cheating. The Invigilator sees a guy with an imaginary "I am a porukki" written all over his face. He/She is standing near him and observing the person writing the "question" which is in the "question paper" on the answer paper and adding the "mean by" and "is called". The invigilator goes "Arggh! Take it! Take it damn it! You tool! You cant pass 1st grade with that reasoning skills, you Idiot! Suck a nigerian fallace you faggot!"

Also the time when they yell "Students its time, tie the papers together", but what they really want to tell is "Tie that paper you fuck face! Tie it! I cant watch your shitty faces any more! Ah! 5 more minutes!? Come on you cunt! GIVE IT GIVE IT!"

 When I was thinking all this the Invigilator patted me and said "Time for Part-1 of the paper is over,haven't  you started the next part" Looks like the invigilator heard my mind voice.