Saturday, August 29, 2009

Temple pain at the Temple town Kanchipuram.

37 blesses 'n' curses

   Not very long ago i visited the Temple town 'kanchipuram' with my mom and dad. Let me make it clear to guys who are afraid this post is gonna describe the temples i visited and who are excited about the temples,  that this not gonna be like that. Visiting temples especially the grand ones, have never been my cup of tea or coffee or whatever. The main reason i travelled there was that i was too bored and wanted to eat out and take a look at the scenaries.

   You see, if i plan something some other thing happens, so i stay away from planning. In this case i didn't and paid the price. Coming back to the business if there was one, I noticed certain things during my visit which i will deal in the coming  paragraphs. You must have heard about the 3 golden rules of accounting, these are the 3 golden rules of Dagalting ( in Madras Tamil it is the act cheating derived from the word 'dacoit' )

Rule no 1: Show me the money Honey! Money Eyes
The first the thing i noticed was that a Temple is no exception to the term "Show me the money honey".  This is the most important rule. When i was visiting _____ temple, dont ask me the name i am very bad at this, i cant remember.
Temple guy: Sir, buy your ticket. You cant enter without the ticket.
Me: For what i am not doing an Archana here
Temple guy: not for that sir.
Me: Then what?
TG: Entrance ticket! we collect differently for Archana.
Me: holy shit!
TG: What did you say
Me: Nothing ( oops that's an unholy word said in a holy place)
TG: We collect only very less Rs 2
Me: Are you by any chance bargaining with me.
Mom: why are you fighting, leave it give this money.
Oh my god should i pay Rs 2 to see and pay Rs 20 to praise you answer me ? Praying . I understand that everyone needs money but not allowing a person because he doesn't hold a ticket is too much.

Rule no 2: Never anger the Priest or face the wrath Phbbbttt

   There was this women who was asking to the priest the details of the temple.  She looked like women in her early sixties, dont ask how do you know? guess work man!. If you dont know this listen carefully, the unwritten law in big temples is " Move as fast as you could in the line and take a look at idol quickly" or simply " jarugandi jarugandi" or "jaago jaago" or "quickimus worhipimus" in law terms ( i just made this up, there is no such term ).
   The women failed to do that, she pestering the priest. Priest was saying it like the hippie Fast track ad "move on!" . The Lady got agitated and said i put Rs 20 as dakshina. Now that did it. I don't know where from the righteousness came, he said " look , take your money and get away i wont tell, go now". Is this how you behave with a devotee ? she waited for long time but no reply from him, is it not his duty?

Rule no3 : MRP = My Retail Price. Shame on you
I got the 3rd rule after visiting the temples. This has nothing to do with the temple though. I felt very thirsty and wanted to drink  Fanta, this is where i got this fantastic rule. I went to the shopkeepress [ new word coined by me for a female shopkeeper :) ] and asked for a fanta.

Me: Give me one fanta
Shopkeepress: Ok sir
Me: Here take Rs 20
SK: it is Rs 25
Me: What?  the MRP says Rs 20
SK: what MRP i don't know that, it costs Rs 25
Me: You don't know MRP? Holy crap !
SK: Look its Rs 25, don't speak rules to me buy or leave.
Me: Hey please know what is MRP it means My retail price, sell at whatever price you want, Income Tax department department will give you medals. Thumbs up mam. ;)

   I almost forgot to tell, i touched the Golden Lizard which will clear me of all the sins i committed, though illogical i did it because I'm not gonna lose anything. The bargain was too much tempting, to be sin free or flaunt my broad minded bullshit . I credited my Sin a/c which was in debit balance and it is now  nil balance. :)

   I went there for some peace but a few people got a piece of my mind. I went in search Masala Dosai and  veg pulav all i got was Masala conversation and full of temple pain. God damn me and my rhyming one liners. I hope these things change for good. Now you must know why i hate visiting such temples and i am fair in saying that. If you have God everywhere why go to a temple which collects money to enter in ?

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Saturday, August 22, 2009

Parties, Page 3 and bullshit

26 blesses 'n' curses
I recently read all three of the famous newspapers in the city. They are TOI, Indian Express and Deccan Chronicle. All three papers had one thing in common. No not the omnipresent Swine flu headlines in the front or Jaswant Singh's Jinukku chikkan Jinnah controversy. But one thing that is common almost everyday, is their add on page. To be precise the page dedicated to parties. I find that page completely annoying to the core.

I did some homework and came up with how to get together this page yourself. Here is a tutorial.

1. First if you are a Journo, all you need is a nice camera and an ID 

2. Bump into some party. That party need not have a celebrity.

3. If you have them, there is no harm. They are there for publicity so click them, you might get an interview from them someday.

4. Now comes the photos part. First is to take a pic of the DJ in the party. It is a must or else it will look like a headless body.

The pose of the DJ should be something like the above picture. No party page is complete without a picture of DJ having funky hairstyle, a tattoo and showing his biceps while showing the thumbs symbol

5. Next you got to get a picture of three friends putting their hands on each other's shoulder or something like that. One of them should definitely give a funky pose.

6. Next you got to get a pic of a couple toasting wine or something like that. If you have pictures of a couple of couples, jackpot!! Keep it. That might come into play in the next party. You need not go there, you can post that some other day.

7. Then get a picture of a single man holding a glass of beer and a single woman holding her hand bag and looking else where. Don't worry, you need not know their Facebook profile know whether they are single. Just click the picture separately, they both might turn out to be a couple and you can cook up a story that they met each other at the party and sensationalize the whole thing

8. Get a picture of old men and women too if you find them. You would have heard about 13 going on 30 there will be some people who are 60 going on 30 or 50 going on 20.

9. Now comes my favorite part, naming them. This will test your naming skills. You would have thought some funky names for your baby, all comes to the table now. Name them whatever you want if don't know them. Charge them if they wanted their real name to be printed on the daily, business tactics.

10. This the last step, summarizing the event. Use simple English and line up all the names you posted below the pictures, one by one and say they all had a blast.  

(P.S The above images were chosen randomly from e papers. Sorry if anyone felt hurt. A person who asks sorry is a human but a person who forgives is valiant. I am a human are you, are you valiant? If you still cant bear just curse me in the comments section.)

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Friday, August 21, 2009

Awarding Time.

12 blesses 'n' curses
 First of all i would like to thank Mitr-the friend and shankar for giving awards to me. Which i dont think deserve them. I would like to give the awards away to certain people here it goes

  1. Srini.
  2. shankar
  3. sowmi
  4. EA
  5. Ajai
  6. hary
  7. Sandya
  8. Sayrem
  9. Anupama
  10. Rimz

                                                    Beautiful Blogger Award
  1. Srini.
  2. sowmi
  3. EA
  4. Ajai
  5. hary
  6. Sandya
  7. Mitr-the friend
  8. Sayrem
  9. Anupama
  10. Rimz

humane award
  1. Srini.
  2. sowmi
  3. EA
  4. Ajai
  5. hary
  6. Sandya
  7. Mitr-the friend
  8. Sayrem
  9. Anupama
  10. Rimz

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Saturday, August 15, 2009

63 and still going strong.

26 blesses 'n' curses

August 15th marks the entry into 63rd year of our Independence. 62 yrs on we have progressed leaps and bounds far quicker than other democracies. I take only democratic and not monarch countries, just for the reason we enjoy freedom they can only dream of and still manage a decent enough growth rate. USA a democracy of 150 years and more, 176 to be precise, took lots of time to reach where it is now. I am leaving all the cynicism and parody behind atleast for this post.

Exactly on this day in 1947 we were under the Poms rule. Just a day before our neighbours Pakistan got their independence, after all the chaos which took prey of many innocent lives. A day after our independence Pondicherry which was under French rule celebrates its Independence day on Aug 16th. I would like to thank all the freedom fighter and especially Mr Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi or in short Gandhi Thatha aka Gandhi granps  and many other unsung heroes who lost their lives for us. I owe a lot to them not only me but also you and everyone who breathes the air in this country. Without them i would have not penned rather post this and would be working as a peasant in some factory exporting riches to UK and paying tax to them. Many don't pay tax that is a separate issue altogether ;).

England owes a lot to us and so do we to them. The gift they have given for us for all those suffering they caused to us is the 'lingua franca English'; the well planned cities; railways ,the largest network in the world;artificial ports, Chennai is one of them; wonderful monuments. UK today is a multi-cultural society accepting people of all races as their own. I take my hats off to them even though i don't have one at the moment, having buried their ruins and starting a new lease of life.

After all the subtle pot shots and the way we function, i am still proud of where i come from.  Our past was glorious; our present is not so good, facing so many problems; but hoping the best for the future. As British comedian Paul Merton said India is a place where the exception is the rule , anything is possible if its India anything!

My feeling is echoed in this song from Rang de Basanti - Roobaro here is how it goes

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Hey my frnd just now i realized that a fire has started burning inside me so bright that it outshines the sun.

Let our generation awaken.
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Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Part 2 - A train Journey from Mambalam to Meenambakkam

45 blesses 'n' curses

Guys, I am back with my second installment of "A train Journey from Mambalam
to Meenambakkam". I
 left with us entering Guindy aka the gateway of serendipity. The real fun starts from here.

St Thomas AKA Mount near oblivion.

Though the name suggest there is a mount you wont see anything like that any near. It seems to be so far you can hardly notice. The stretch from here to Pazhavanthangal is by far the most enjoyable part of the journey. 

For starters you have a vast bed of grass adjacent to the station. it resembles an once agricultural land with a huge well too. Now it serves the purpose of being a playground for area boys as they would like to call. A really wonderfull sight to watch. 

Main course is a vast area of water covered with vegetation nearby the  bridge. It is a mini- Vedanthangal here. You see lots of birds here. You can say I attend all five hours of my college to see this serene sight in the evening ;).

There is  a church which has been dilapidated. Before seeing this I never ever believed in the weirdest of imaginations that a church with broken walls coupled with vines covering them would please my eyes that much.

Pazhavanthangal aka Land of extremes.

Hey this not just a nickname I mean it. One side of it is bustling with life and another side of it covered with thick thorny vegetation. Those waste lands are now in the process of becoming a group of Apartments, with that, summoning the  water problem, pollution and blah blah blah. The stretch from here to the Final destination Meenambakkam, there are lots of trees. There is one noticeable sight, from the nearby over bridge, you can see the St Thomas Mount so clearly with a building on the top and some lights, if its dark. It is a really good sight at night.

Meenambakkam aka Birdambakkam

Many of you would have not got the nick name. I'll explain. Meen in Tamil means Fish, since there is an airport nearby, so  Bird+ ambakkam ;). You know what I mean, there is no meen only flying airplanes ;P. This station is a sanctuary for the college students, who find it hard to enter the college which is a few steps away and park their arses here. You see they have lots of commitments like Kadalai potting ( flirting) ,  smoking , chatting, messaging. They are very busy people how can you expect them to come to college. My college has a huge campus which also acts a rest place after they have hard day out watching movies. I pray to God that I getthe train as soon as I finish or cut my classes so I could not see any of the antics of these jackasses and head home as soon as possible and switch on my computer.

Things you cant miss to notice if you travel by train.

  1. plastic covers 
  2. emptied paan paarag packets 
  3. Paan parag spits 
  4. Cigarette buds 
  5. Broken train handles 
  6. Bills stuck under "the stick no bills", that too with their phone number. Really gutsy. 
  7. Scribblings of their name along with their lover's name 
  8. Name of their friends group. Weird, yet sucking like hi guys, Bcs guys, danger guys blah blah blah 
  9. Singing Beggars, some of them are really good 
  10. Small businessmen, selling stuffs on their own.

For the past 2 yrs, I have been travelling via train. Before that, I hardly travelled by train. What, once I did seldom, is now part of my life, atleast for a year or so more. Whatever it may be, I will certainly cherish every moment of it, both the nice ones and not so nice ones.

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Saturday, August 8, 2009

A train Journey from Mambalam to Meenambakkam. Part 1

48 blesses 'n' curses

Off late i have been reading a few travel blogs, this is my honest attempt at writing a travelogue. Since you all know my idea of vacation is very dumb ;). So this what i've got for you "A train Journey from Mambalam to Meenambakkam." to my college.

Image courtesy :

When i visited the Mambalam station on the first day of my college, little did i know about trains, i got into the wrong train only to get back down. First few days were really interesting, watching the sights whizz past me. I prefer standing on the foot board that faces the opposite side of the platform, feeling the wind on my face. 

Vehicle Parking Stand aka Vettaiyadu Vilayaadu stand

My journey starts at Mambalam station where I park at a place which resembles the place where the Psycopaths bury their kills in Vettaiyadu Vilayadu (tamil movie), near that that creepy banyan. On rainy days the place becomes a swamp. Now you know why I don't want it to rain when I am on my way home. One thing you get there is nice shade, i would be happy if they improve the parking there.

Mambalam aka Man vellam( flood of people)

The place is so crowded that it is impossible to commute by a vehicle. The people follow no rules whatsoever. They walk in the middle of the road which is just the size of a pavement. Then you will see being vehicles parked just below the sign " NO PARKING RS 500 FINE". Then you pass through some beggars. There is no noteworthy sight but for the concrete jungle from this stretch to Saidapet. Railways' idea of renovation is adding a LCD screen and publishing the advertisements back to back, non stop, you just say it like rhymes along with them. Nice way to promote a product. ;)

Saidapet AKA The Land of the Unconstructed Subway.

This is the station I hate the most because it so dirty and damn polluted. People piss and spit on the walls surrounding it.  And there is the this monument which has been part of its setting for the last 5 or 6 years, the unconstructed subway, certainly has a place in sands of time.  Then there is the famous Karneeshwarar Temple which looks majestic from one side and worn out on the other side. The stretch from Saidapet to guindy has one of the 'has been beautiful sights'. I am talking about the Adyar river. Well that is what it is now. I, being a person who admires water bodies, it was really a nail in my heart to see such a sight daily. The waters look fresh once rain water floods it, but that is lost soon. This is a sight after the floods occured in 2007 wonderful isn't it ?

 The whole area surrounding it is so contaminated with slums, people faecating in the open and other yeuchy stuff. Then the King's Institute which is enriched with very lush vegetation. The stretch from here to the Guindy bridge, it darkens for a second and has so many trees, I don't know what's there in the that place, but what ever it is, looks very good

Guindy aka The Doorway to serendipity.

Guindy marks the end of the city limit with that gone is a little bit of pollution. This, especially is a very busy place. Many people board and depart from the train here, since it is an industrial area. The stretch from here to St thomas Mount is not so happening except for a few cinema posters of Vasanth & co owner's son. There is also an open toilet here. Many suckers piss and rubbish in the bushes.

With that ends the first part of my travel ends, I will be back with my second instalment. I bet its definitely gonna be a serene experience because you have passed the gateway of serendipity.

                                                                                      To be continued........................................    

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Saturday, August 1, 2009

My Rendezvous with rain

27 blesses 'n' curses

It was Monday the first day of the week. As always I had Monday blues. Everything seemed to be going in the right way, until………….. it was about 5.30  in the evening. I was listening to the boring lectures waiting to get out. I never knew that what was a simple drizzle would become an incessant rain. I thought it was just another gimmick played by the rain and never knew there was a conspiracy going on to stalk me. I walked from my college to the railway station the drizzle followed me as soon as I entered the train it stopped. I started riding my Black Panther, drops of rain were falling on me. Then came my rendezvous with rain.

Me: Do u always plan to piss me off.

Rain: yes, of course.

Me:  Please stop dripping for a while 'chal chal'. I will get in and u do your job. deal ?

Rain: chalak chalak chal chal chal(Then what is the reason I am here for, my answer is no.)

Me: Look I am not in a mood to dance a solo song in rain; I am super bad at it. I am not ready to make a fool of myself.

Rain: cha cha cha......llllll(sudden fast drippings that’s how rain laughs)

Me : Does my black panther sound like Amritavarshini ( the raaga which brings rain), i know it makes sounds never knew it is a raaga.

Rain: Chal chal.......chal( that means sucker in rain language)   

Me: OMG no not traffic. I must take short cut.Boy O boy I have smelled marinated food but I have never smelt a street urinated this much. thanks to you chal chal ( rain)

Rain: starting to rain heavily ( that means saavuda naye which is loosely translated as suffer my wrath doggy boy)

Me: I am totally drenched damn you Chal chal

Then I had to travel past our street road which is pretty narrow only a bus could get through. The two-way road which looked like a one-way road turned into a halfway road. Thanks to who else but the Chennai corporation, who gorged a wonder, called “not so grand canyon” a miniature of the real one which is in the USA. That now turned into the everglades (swamp in,  Florida, USA), the mud was now a slush courtesy rain. after all these obstacles i reached home.

Me: Finally made it

Rain: busssssss ( thats is how it stops and says duty over)

Me: I will get you for this.

I saw the clouds it looked very bleak that it would rain for sometime. I changed my clothes and challenged it to drench. I switched to mankey mode. No i did not say any fancy words to change mode or costume, forget it. So i went to the nearby food stall to eat.

Me: drench me if you can

Rain: grrrrrrr i will 

Me: oh i am sorry you are running out of clouds aren't you?

Me: wow the samosa and kachori are great.

Rain: why you!!!!!

Me: let me have a slow walk see if you can get me ( i was standing at the gate and mocking it )

Rain: the clouds are here i come. bussssssssss !

Me: hahahaha somebody stoppppp me

Me:  bye see you. sorry for the disappointment, guess who had the last laugh. ;)


It was Thursday and i made a wrong decision of attending all 5 hrs of my college. Man i got stuck in college till 7.00 pm. But had a blast with my friends in that atmosphere. 

Me: looks like i am gonna get a parade when i reach home, how the hell am i going to buy pooja stuff for tomorrow's pooja.

Rain: heavy rain ( it means it is angry with for what i did the other day )

it was no surprise everyone had bought the stuff i returned empty handed to my home. But got full with kind of scoldings from my mom " you are a waste cant you do even this right".
I had a trick up my sleeve i said " its raining outside how can i?" with a very sad face. Escape. 


I played my cards close to the chest, i had a secret weapon to counter it.

dhan te nan te na na nan.......................

Me: Unveil the umbrella ray, you are toast

Rain: Oh no spare me. nooooooooo !!!!!!!

Me: hahahaha. 

dhan te nan te na na nan.......................

That day it didn't even pretend to rain till i reached my place. This secret weapon was originally used by my dad. Since he travels by car nowadays, i am the new torch bearer to torment rain now and then. How dare it messes with me. Just for the sake of Chennai i might consider leavin my umbrella ray. 

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