Monday, September 28, 2009

Midnight's call

34 blesses 'n' curses

This is my first attempt at writing a short story. I hope this one fits the bill because I have mixed feelings about it. Here it goes…..

   “ Time is now 11.00 AM” sounded the alarm. An arm just rose and hit on its head and went back to bed. “ Time now is 12.00 PM”, this time a leg kicked the clock out of its porch. “Time is now 1.00 pm”, a leg kicked, this time he was at the receiving end, drenched in water. “Now get up you lazy goose” his mom said. He reluctantly got up and went up grumbling, now to his laptop . “Welcome to Windows vista” it uttered. “Connecting to Local area network”….. “Loading Vasudevan991@gmail.com…..” He started checking his mail and then updated his Facebook, Orkut, Twitter and every other social networking site in the World Wide Web. He was getting tired of resting and hit the bed to rest even more.

   2 years had passed since his graduation, yet there were no signs of him getting any job nor was he interested in one. His parents were worried about his attitude. He was quite a rich guy; to be precise his parents were rich. Time was now 8.00 pm, nearing the ‘Dhan te nan time’, that’s how he calls late night pubbing. He had a shower took out his party wear, donned it and rode straight to the pub on his ‘Enticer’. 

    He was riding his bike so fast in a drunken state. A dog ran across the road, he maneuvred and went past it and then came a cat, a black one, he maneuvred and went past that one too and then came this fairly old guy with ragged clothes and dreadlocked hair, bang! He hit him. Vasu went skidding on the road and the rugged ragged guy was literally blown off his feet and fell where he belonged, the platform. Though it seemed to be a brutal accident, it wasn’t one. The man had sprained his leg and Vasu had some cuts. Now that’s what you call third time unlucky or was he?

   Vasu got up and yelled at the man “You blind moron, do you have your brains in the place or do you have !$@%^ . Oh sorry you don’t know English, kurutukku kabothi, moola vechirukira eduthula !@#$ vechirukiya da” he uttered the same in Tamil.

The ragged man smiled and said “chill down young man, and thanks for the lift to the platform i really wanted to go there. I was sick of walking from there ”.

Vasu was taken aback by the way he dealt with him and his impeccable accent. The man asked “what are you staring at? i can speak English. For Pete's sake stop staring ” 

   “ So you get up really late right and you spend the whole time toying with your laptop and then pubbing right”, he smiled sheepishly.

   “But how do you know that? you are freaking me out ” said a befuddled Vasu.

“You see I was exactly like you and I could spot that from you. My life changed suddenly. I had only my dad, my mom died before I even had a look. I also lost him in an accident. Thanks to my AC accustomed body, TV watching eyes  and Internet surfing fingers; I ran into a road block when my dad died. Till this point i have not done anything meaningful in life. I lost everything. This platform has become my home and mosquitoes have become my friends ”, Vasu was silently listening to all this.

   “Hey I am the one who should be sad buddy not you, your time will come , just kidding”

   “Whatever,  I am leaving now” said a shit scared Vasu seeing a creepy man divulging such details and lifted up his Enticer and scooted.

   Wouldn’t you be shit scared if a man like him tells details about you, that too at the stroke of midnight. On his way home with his smashed Enticer, he was thinking of his future. More importantly he was thinking what he was doing presently.Was he a ghost? Was he a messenger? All questions remained unanswered. Whoever he was; he surely sent shivers down Vasu’s spine all for the right reason.

   “Time is now 7.30AM” Vasu got up and went straight to his laptop. This time he was busy uploading his profile to Job websites. This is what fear can do to people. That day he went to the same place to meet him.

“Hi, remember me. I think I can help you ” ;

“enna dorai pesara onnum puriliye namakku Englipese laam varathu pa”( what are you talking i cant understand English).

“May be he is not the one, I think he had some more beard like dad. Must be a hangover. I don't want to end up like him even in my dreams, anyway. I better hurry now” , he said to himself and walked away.

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Saturday, September 26, 2009

Nammai Pol Oruvan ( some one like us)

26 blesses 'n' curses

 

  I was sitting in front of my computer day dreaming of getting the tickets of Kamal and Mohan Lal starrer “Unnaipol Oruvam” ( someone like you), the remake of the Hindi movie “A Wednesday”. That’s when my dad blocked my vision showing a ticket to the movie. I thoroughly enjoyed this one heck of a movie.

unnai-pol-oruvan-tamil-mp3-songs

The film deals with how a common man can really bring a city to a stand still. It picks up the issue of how to fight terrorism. The films Starts with Kamal Haasan a common man who plants bombs all round the city and call the Commissioner of Police enacted by Mohan Lal and negotiates with him to release terrorists to a location. Rest of the story revolves around what does he do with the terrorists and does he do what he actually wanted.

The Dialogues in the movie are really sharp, inspiring and witty at places. the dialogue uttered by an ethical hacker, who comes to track Kamal’s location is one of the best . When Mohan Lal asks him whether he can work with this computer he says“ sir, these computers are really old. Sir these ancestors . I will try and say Abivaadaye and start”. ( abivaadaye is a sort of introduction given by Brahmins to their elders in Sanskrit). There are many such places. No Character in the film are wasted or even overused or over emphasized.

The length of the movie works for its advantage as well. The pace, once it picks never Slackens. There are no songs sequences in it. The film lasts about an hour and forty five minutes. This one of those rare films you go out of the theatre and cursing why it ended.

The acting in the film is from the top draw. You cant make out that they act, that’s what i call good acting.  We all know how good an actor Kamal is and he doesn't disappoint us, so does Mohan Lal, so does all the other actors, so does the director Chakri Toleti and So does the film as a whole. That’s a lot of ‘so’s used in a sentence. What to do the film is so so good.

The only thing bad about this movie is i can say nothing bad about. This film is really spotless. One can say the views expressed in the movie may be debatable. But certainly one cannot find fault in the way it has been made.

This is definitely worth more than a watch and certainly a collectors item. To put it my way this movie has certainly entered this freak’s think tank and also his heart.Love Struck

Peace SignApplause


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Monday, September 21, 2009

An Irksome Story told to a 7 yr old

37 blesses 'n' curses

    My 7 yr old cousin Aarthi, Stayed back at our place a few days back. She wanted me to tell her a story. The freak’s grey matter was in search mode now.  It found a theme and built up on it. The result was the remix of Mahabharata, MAHABOREATHA.

    I started, “ There were two  Rap gangs” only to be  interrupted, “ what is a rap Venky?”. I replied in only the way i can, “ good question ;You say rhymes, don't you?  Eat a kozhukattai and say that very fast, that is rapping ” She gave a big grinBig Grin 

   I continued with my incessant crap talk . “The 2 rap gangs were Funky Five Pan Doves and Giant Gs. The Funky five were Top Dogg Dhamn, ARJ, Bheems, Nak and Sak. The GGs were many in number but notable were DJ Duri and his bro DJ Douche.  All of them honed their rapping skills at Deadly Drone’s Rap class. ARJ was the best of the lot.  

    It all was hunky dory until Big Daddy D composed a Dapaang Kuthu ( A style of folk music in Tamil Nadu). The advisor of Daddy D was Big Poppa B-eesh. Both the gangs wanted to remix that Dapaang kuthu but Uncle Pan Doo wanted GG’s to get the right to remix”

   Not to my surprise i was questioned again in her baby voice “Venky what is remix?”.I defined remix as a song whose real music is added with some fast beats, i mean that ‘dup dup’ sound at faster pace and some funky noises in English, between the lyrics. How is that for a definition? 

   I continued “There was a problem of who will get the right to remix. ARJ’s friend, Kool Krish sided their way and told he would help them defeat the GGs. Uncle Pan doo, Big Poppa B-eesh and Drone sided GGs way. They were further beefed up with the addition of the Super Rapper Kar Rant. He raps his rants, a good guy at heart, only one to rival ARJ. 
   
   The competition was that whoever plays the loudest rap and gets the most foul words from the passers by and people devoid of sleep at night wins the right to remix. The Stage was set at  the mini everglades at our street ages back
“Stay Tuned for the next episode of MAHA –BORE -ATHA” i mocked Dragon Ball Z. 
Aarthi then threatened me “If you dont tell me now i will cry and every one will abuse you”. Hearing this i had mixed feelings a:that a soul likes this and b:fear at the prospect of being abused if i dont continue. With all things taken in mind I decided to break the break and continued.


  
  
       Big Poppa B rapped his Vishnu Sahasranamam, only to score an OG because everyone praised him. Top Dogg Dhamn and Deadly Drone followed suit scoring OG's for their respective factions, as they were good at heart and people praised them as well. Pan Doo came in and remixed the Vishnu Sahasranamam and evened the odds, negating the OG's scored by the Ol'dies.

     DJ Duri was smart enough to sense Kool Krish's plans and sent his lil bro DJ Douche. DJ Douche was rapping horriblly and teased women. Kool krish heard their cries and pulled the already below waist pants of DJ Douche even lower.

    Nak and Sak took advantage of this and rapped " Liar Liar Pants on Fire" and got back abuse from GGs who were more than 100 in number. Then Came Kar rant rapping his rant and stealing the show. Kool krish rapped something secretly to ARJ. ARJ quickly remixed the remix version of “Aap ka Suroor” and defeated Kar Rant , which he called Himmesh Astharam.
 
   DJ Duri was wrecking havoc and gulping abuses, Bheems, the drummer started beating the drums and DJ Duri's voice was unheard and Bheems defeated DJ Duri. The Funky Five Pan Doves Remixed the song and lived happily ever after.  But the people in the colony slept sadly ever after, that night.


After this i was confronted with some questions only a child can ask.

Aarthi: how big is Kool Krish. Is he ‘2nd standard’ big?

Venky: Surprise age? 2nd standard. When did he go to school?

Aarthi: I saw his picture in the puja room, he looked like 2nd standard boy.

Venky: OK , thats was when he was young. All the gang members are of working age, they have finished college; Drone, Poppa, Daddy D and Pan doo are retirement age GranpsLaughing. Understood ?

Mom: Venky will you stop this nonsense ?Time out

Venky: hey U…, talkin to me ? Cool

Mom : Feeling beat upnow leave . Aarthi sleep don’t listen to this moron

Aarthi: Laughing Rolling on the floor Yawn Sleepy


Disclaimer: Any resemblance to epic is not coincidental and is intentional.  Just have a laugh like my cousin did Happy

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Wednesday, September 16, 2009

My First Shot at 55 fiction

39 blesses 'n' curses


Peops this is my first shot at 55 fiction and a nice chance to take a pot shot at me.


image 
  First of all what is 55 fiction ? After reading quite a few 55 fiction posts, i can safely say they are thoughts which may be fictional or real, expressed within a word limit of 55 . 

 
     The above  paragraph is mandatory because your reader will be lost in thoughts  “what is 55 fiction?” Rolling Eyes. They might think this is some ghost story and run away. If you don’t write this then you will be poked in the eyes by God in your sleepShame on you.Laughing

I don't know whether what i have presented falls in such genre or is just a gag, anyways here it is. 
Not worthy

The TaLe Of ThE  2 BrAtS:


ABC Payer… cash payer Cool: Dont tell anyoneQuick gimme 2 of that for killing them as i told you yesterday. 
XYZ Nair: Whew bury them carefully, it’s dangerous. Here, take this cocktail of chemicals along with that. I can guarantee  this will work its magic on them.

Next day………
 
ABC Payer: At last i got those bratsPeace Sign. R.I.P ( Rats in Pieces)Laughing


NOTE: Catching rats using tea stall Masala Vadai with a chemical cocktail is a classic technique used in Tamil Nadu Raised Eyebrow. But the part we miss out is burying them. They are often thrown out precariously for the neighborhood crows’ breakfast. Very generous people hei ? LaughingRolling on the floor

  You could have now noticed why i used XYZ Nair as the other guy . Every other tea shop is owned by malayalees here. No offence meant .Angel

   Jokes apart “ cleanliness is Godliness keep your surroundings clean, we have got only one planet to destroy”  How is my message? Feeling beat up(thats me) vaangikko !!! ( take that)

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Thursday, September 10, 2009

Small Bada - Mission Vada Pav !!

34 blesses 'n' curses
 
....... A few weeks back...... My friend Hari went to one shop and asked for Vada pav. You know what he got. A huge pav with a Masala Vadai in it, that's what you call cross cultural bonding . Vada pav has now become, Ada paavame ! ( distress call)

....... A few days back....... we were watching the gangsters eating vada pav in "Kaminey", which made our stomach growl. We took an oath to eat vada pav , where else other than the north Indian haven of Chennai, Soucarpet.
 
 
Mission name: Small Bada Mission Vada pav.
Starting Point : Ashok Nagar
Destination point: Soucarpet
Start time : 5.30 pm
End time : 8.30 pm
Day eatmarked : Saturday
Status : Mission in progress- empty stomach and drooling mouth
 

A small introduction to who seem like caricatures but are characters:

Hari : The guy who can put mokkai ( blunt jokes ) that even a blade doesn't stand a chance . He thinks so differently from others. He says " The one who speaks without any connection is hari" . He also has his fair share of humor.

Venkatesh aka Machi the gochi : Don't ask me why he got the name, will tell you some other time. He does the funniest things you will ever see. For eg he shuffles his card while playing UNO because the other person has seen his cards. Now what difference does that make.

Then add me, who cant make out which is left or right side without seeing the scar on my finger ( for details see last para of this post of mine ), to them you get an awesome threesome.

"Dhan te nan te nan na nan............................" ( after effects of watching kaminey 2 times)
   
    We traveled by bike. We had to take the straight road from the Mount road
signal and not take a right turn to go to Soucarpet. So straight was right and right
was wrong, guess what Machi took the right which was the wrong turn. Wow ! what a start. Machi called us and got back with us . Meantime we betrayed Machi by drinking a spl Badam Kheer each, delicious!. Machi gave us a stare which would send anyone to their childhood size. After Machi's anguish we hogged on to the bike and went straight to Soucarpet.
 
    Machi was playing hide and seek with cops because he refused to wear a helmet. There was one signal in which there were cops catching people. You should have seen Machi's face, no one could give that reaction except for Chris Gayle and few other West Indians, reaction less , no grief or joy. Boy O boy Machi is king at that stuff.

    Sourcarpet was like walking a brown carpet to B-town full of Hindi, but there were no cars in there, only rickshaws unlike the name . Hari was using his not so perfect Hindi to communicate and show off his communication skills. We found everything but for vada pav there, so we decided to split and search.
 
    We sent Machi to the wrong street, the street which has a vada pav shop. Yeah right, it was the street with the vada pav shop, no typos there. Sending him there was the biggest mistake we made. Machi's describing skills are always found wanting. Machi called us and just said it was next to the temple. BTW there were temples all over.
    For once we took Machi's place and took the wrong turn, in which, every street has a SHARMA PAN SHOP and Hindi film poster. It is high time they added first names to their shops. Just imagine First names for shops " ISHANT SHARMA PAN SHOP " , "ROHIT SHARMA PAN SHOP" and for South Indian shops only initials " M.Murugan waste paper mart", " A.G. Iyengar's Bakery " .
 
    We walked to the end of the road and couldn't find a temple in near sight. To make it worse hari got his feet trampled by a rickshaw. Now a real Hari would have said something inane but all these things dried out Hari's mokkai.
    After half a dozen phone calls we found that place On the phone, which was next to the Jain temple. Machi described that as a temple which has a Hindi name , so Shakti Temple . God damn Machi's description.
 
    We went into Ajab's Chaat House to taste it immediately. But God had other plans, there were only 2 vada pavs. So we had to wait for the 3rd one. At last the price was in front of us, 'THE VADA PAV' . After we ate, rather licked Punjabi Mashoor Kulfi from a street shop which also existed in every other street.
 
Status Now : Accomplished- full stomach and we need a tooth pick .

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Friday, September 4, 2009

Remains after the ashes ;) how ironical.

38 blesses 'n' curses

   It's been a while since i wrote anything about cricket. I think this would be the right time to end my exile from posting about it. I am writing this like a phoenix out of the Ashes rather after the ashes  :)  .Yep the Ashes was done dusted literally few weeks back. I know i am pretty late, but better late than never. Even if i post late i will post the latest  :)

   The Summer Ashes ended with England taking back the ashes of its cricket after bashing the Aussies 2-1. They are now the proud owner of the urn at least till next years winter Ashes down under.


Here is a sum up of the some events and players this series.

Broad Shoulders :The most noticeable one is Stuart Broad. Many remember him for the six sixes, in ashes he picked up six wickets in an innings and scored fifties. Time really turns the tables doesn't it ?

Trott-a-thon : Jonathan Trott trotted his way to his century on his Debut. A great find for English cricket, though it is very early to say so.

De-straussed :Strauss was very conventional in his approach towards captaincy and got away with it but he lead from the front with his batting. BTW he was the Man of the Series.

Pup which packs a punch rather a bite:Then there is Michael Clarke aka Pup, who was in sublime form. The one who might become the alpha male after Punter

Swann's swaha aussie wickets : How can we forget Graeme Swann's ball of the century and his superb bowling throughout the series.





With him England have found out the Spinner they searched for all these years.

Surprise packages: Hilfy and Pete Siddle were the surprise packages for the Aussies. Marcus the least talked about stamped his authority with his gritty batting showing that he is a class act. He even picked a few wickets.

Nothing rave about Ravi : I would rate Ravi Bopara as the no: 1 flopstar of this series. The guy was given Michael Vaughan's no: 3 spot and failed to impress. He had a torrid time and still having so in the T20 played just recently.

The Man who ended up being Johnson and Johnson's  baby: Mitchell Johnson is not far behind. Mitch was only a shadow of himself in SA. He had no rhythm at all, bowling wides and easy pickings for the batsmen.

Bret Fl(e)ed : Brett Lee was making comeback whole of the ashes. He was a mere traveler. He made news before every match that he is gonna play and ended warming the benches. That is the only impact he had on the series.

KP jus kidding around dressing room: KP probably the best batsmen in the English side couldn't play whole of the Ashes and was a dampener.

Farewell to Big Fred: Last but not least the ashes saw one of English cricket's greatest All-rounders Andrew Freddie Flintoff bidding adieu to Test cricket, if his recent knee surgery is anything to go by, to cricket as a whole. Freddie's  test career has been drawn curtains way to quickly than one would have expected. He was given the farewell he deserved, 'An Ashes victory'.

Barking pups seldom bite : The notorious Pup ( mike Clarke) said that it is sad that Flintoff will end as a loser. Hey pup look who is the Loser, you are now the loser with a small 'l' and Ponting is the Loser with a capital 'L'.

Batter and bruised: Talking about the loser with the capital 'L', he literally got battered and bruised in the final test look at this pic.

hahaha. Look who had the last laugh. You guys should have seen him speak to Atherton at the presentation, he was almost crying.

Its not about doing right things but doing right things at the right time: The funny thing is that Australia scored more runs and took more wickets in the entire series than England and still lost the series 2-1. Both the teams were really good when they were good and really bad when they bad. England did the right things at the right time and shook the booty

   A captain who whitewashed the same team back home, a captain who has never lost a match in the World cup, a captain who has won series against every test team was left biting the dust for the second time in a row. Australia has now become Losstralia, at an all time low. Knowing the Aussies and their aggressive nature, they will be ready to get their revenge. That is gonna be the recipe for much better cricket in the Ashes once again. For now the Ashes of English cricket is in safe hands.

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