"VAnga nanbargaLe! Ellorum onna povom! Muyarachi thiruvinai aakum! MuyandrAl sAdhikka mudiyum! Enga nAmA porom? *clap clap clap* Poli Venkateshawara Boli stall ku "But the Venkatadora is badass, keeping that poker face "hey come on!" kinda guy. So I played "Brock Lesnar's entrance theme on my phone and walked all the way hulking up like this.
The idea was I would go through various check points and complete challenges and then move onto the next check point.
The First check point was "Poli Venkateshwara Boli Stall" I digress and tell you this, if you know anything about West Mambalam, you would know that there is a Venkateshwara boli stall every God damn street. They are the Nairs of the Bajji and Boli world. The Poli Venkateshwara Boli stall is situated next to the branch office of the H.O which is in Arya Gowder Road. The Challenge was to buy "vengaya Bajji" which costs Rs 4 and get the change back and not barter that with a rupee worth mini-samosa. If I dont get the change, I would give him more money and eat the "medhu bonda" stuffed with all the "kadala Maavu" in the world and go without fluids till the next stop. Thankfully I got the one rupee change and tasted the delicious vengaya bajji.
I walked via veerasammy street to Arya Gowder and then to Viji Chaat. Please excuse the absurdity, the challenge was to save the kachori from the Motta mama who was eating Bhel puri without onion and I can see him staring at one of the kachoris wanting to eat them.( Draw a parallel to Nan Kadavul Arya eating Pooja) I rushed in before the Motta mama and got the kachori. The Shopkeeper asked "One is enough ah?!" I gave him the "you will become big da" look and started eating the kachori. By the way this is their menu
I was actually picturing the kachori uttering "KondrAl pAvam thindrAl pochu! EAT ME". Oh my God, how dumb was I? That's rhetoric by the way, don't answer it.
My stomach now had one kachori and one onion bajji. The stomach was dangling as I was hulking up my way playing Brock's theme. I bumped into one of my old friend who finished his MBA finance. There is a "kulla Nari" in Dora the explorer which tries to steal. What Dora does is ask the audience what to do, stare and then answer it herself.
"If kulla Nari should not steal means say Kull nari dont steal! Kulla Nari dont steal!"And the Kulla Nari goes
"Me ah?! Stealing ah? Aiyyo! I dont know! leave me!"My dirty mind wanted to simulate with him. I wanted to chat with him without him sniffing my Chaat breath and then ask for a treat. Yes. I am evil like that. As I intently pretended to listen whatever shit he was saying, my thoughts were elsewhere in Bajji land. The angels were feeding me Molaga bajji in the Venkateshwara boli stallpuram and Bajj's hung like Mangoes from a banyan tree! chi! Mango tree.
I started asking question about NPV, IRR, TFM, EPS and all that crap. I can catch him mindvoicing
"MBA finance ah? Aiyyo Me ah? I dont know! leave me"Fresh from the success of driving away the kulla Nari, I bought the Molaga bajji from the original Venkateshwara boli stall. I was trying to eat the hot as in "karam" and hot as in "soodu" molaga bajji without shedding a drop of tear but ended up sweating profusely.
No, my obstacles werent over! I have to go through, the Masala Puri kadai, OSB Chaat and bai kadai. As I was asking to put extra pepper in my masala puri, I noticed two people fighting in the road after an accident had occured. One guy was bleeding and he had a figure sitting behind. Obviously he was putting too much scene like it didnt hurt. The guy who fell down, immediately checked his mobile! Dude! Are you seeing whether someone saw this comedy and texted you? Like really? The most dominant thought in my mind was "Dude! You have to eat this before that effin guy stops bleeding or you lose!" I won the match via DQ. That effin guy wiped the blood off! Cheating!
My stomach was like "Dude! How much more will you stuff in? I am not dhobhi's sac" I had to eat that effing kachori filled with curd or else I will be exhausting one of the 7 lives I had, that's how i saw it. Even an Ultimate Warrior promo made much more sense than my self-made obstacles.
From postal colony via ram colony I reached my lair. Oh wait! I had to spend all the money I had! I went to Bai kadai and bought Butter milk with whatever money I had and then rest were added to my dad's account.
After all the obstacles, I had to utter that magic sentence! That enlighting sacred note " Finally Finallly! The Venk has comeback...... HOME" As I yelled that my mom shouted "vanditiya?!" I swear to God, her expression was like "When will you go away you over grown fruit"
Perhaps I should have named this post "Venkadhodhgajan - the explorer" Nah! That wouldn't work!