Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Senjikkottai Vaalibargal

0 blesses 'n' curses
I was looking up on the weekend getaways from Chennai during one of the long weekends in October. I wanted to go this place called "Senjikkottai" aka "Gingee fort". I wanted to get there with my TVS Wego but ended going to Kancheepuram, instead. That was one heck of a 140 km ride. I just couldn't imagine myself riding 140 km to and fro, Gingee. I buried that plan and went ahead with life.

Suddenly one night, I rang up my friend, Machiss and asked him whether we could go to Gingee fort the next day morning. The plan was made in a matter of minutes and we were good to go. Things have not been easier. We parked our bike at CMBT and boarded a bus to Gingee at 6 in the morning. It is not the most comfortable way to travel, but it is my most favorite way to travel. When traveling in a public transport, you get to see the different cultural subset of people from various suburbs and towns around Chennai. They have their own routines which are ethnic to them. It is very interesting to stick ones head out and notice the landscapes through which one is traveling and also listen to chatters in the bus, at the same time. When you have your friend beside you, it is even more fun.

We reached Gingee around 10 in the morning and had our breakfast, the quintessentially Thamizh way, on a banana leaf. The fort was only a km away and was at a walkable distance. On our way, we saw a community gathering of school kids and old people, to plant trees along the banks of a dry lake. We also witnessed the kids having their morning breakfast and throwing the wastes into the said dry lake. This is how most things in life and society operate. We then proceeded to walk and notice a Koozh shop and juice shop. In our mind, that is where we would come and rest after climbing the Gingee fort.

We bought our tickets and started our ascent to the Rani Giri fort. Thankfully the weather was amazing. It was cloudy and cool winds were lashing on at us. After climbing a series of steps, we were out of breath. The steps were very steep and we had to stretch our legs to climb each step. We somehow made it to the halfway mark and halted at a "Mandapam". The view was breathtaking. It was worth all the effort. I could see a huge spread of fields and trees and boulders and boulders of mountains beyond it. The winds were hitting hard and I couldn't wait to get the top of the hill.

We huffed and puffed our way to the top of the Hill only to see a guy carrying his kid like a boss and a bunch of middle aged ladies getting down. I felt so inconsequential seeing that. We were just spellbound by the view and calmness of the place. We wandered off to the various ruins, formerly structures of a functioning fort. The fort was a strategically important place for many wars which were fought in the yesteryears

It was already 12 noon and we had very little water left and we had no idea of leaving this place soon. I rested for some time, while Machiss was taking photos of the place. He encountered a peculiar guy while photographing. The guy was a college student studying in an engineering college in Coimbatore. He was originally from Madurai and he had randomly traveled all the way to this place. He was telling Machiss that his goal was to travel to all the districts in Tamil Nadu. That is something I want to do as well. My philosophy has always been to know oneself first before moving on to external things. It is only pertinent to explore one's own State which is very rich in culture, first.

We stayed there till 2 pm taking in the beauty of the place. We were able to see miles and miles ahead. The landscape was so beautiful, the experience was totally unique. It is a pity that they don't allow people before 9 am and beyond 5 pm, for security purposes. It means we will never be able to witness the amazing sunrise or sunset because dang in the middle facing without obstructing the east or the west. I was looking up on the nearby Lakes that we could visit and stumbled on to a place called Uranithangal which was 6 km away from Gingee, en route to Chennai. There were Ancient Jain Caves/ Stone beds on a hill which was situated there. We decided to first have a look at the Rajagiri Fort, from the foothills and then go to the Jain Caves.

We couldn't find anything in the foothills of Rajagiri, so we took an Auto to the Koot road, had Ragi Koozh and juice and continued our journey to Uranithangal via a paltry Share Auto. None of the locals at Gingee were aware of the so-called "Jain Caves". We started walking into the village only to notice that we had strayed afar. We asked a couple people and they were referring the Jains as "Nayanaar". It was quite intriguing, I have never heard anyone use that term for a Jain. Contrary to popular belief, Jainism was not only limited Rajasthan. Jainism aka Samanam was quite a thing back in those days. They were also considered to be atheist, were viewed as bad social elements and were ostracized. I myself remembered reading a bunch of poems in Thamizh, during my school days to that effect, as a part my curriculum. We finally found some local who knew the place. They showed as a huge rock on the hill and told us that, it was the place we were looking for. I was flabbergasted and couldn't figure a way to get there. They called that place "Bandha Patti" and asked us to be careful, as the thorn trees had grown after the recent rains. We were told to take the left next to the "Transmaram" (that is how they refer to "Transformers" in this part of TN) and walk along the tiny pathway below the hill, to find an opening to climb to the rock.

We reached the said place and found a calf tied to a tree surrounded by thorn plants everywhere. One local guy helped us and showed the way. He climbed to the rock rapidly, wearing a Hawaii chappal, through the thorns. We tried to keep up with his speed to eventually lose out on our breath. He left us up there and got down. We took a few moments to relax. It was really an amazing feeling. I wouldn't have done this if I hadn't come with Machiss. I am sure I wouldn't have pushed myself this far. If I had visited this place, I would have turned my back after the seeing the rock at the top. But then at the moment, I was sitting in the cave with one of my most favorite people in the world with a feeling of contentment. I could just do this over and over again.

We got down scary stretch down and headed back to Gingee. The tea shops there did not known about the concept of a black tea, I then tutored one of the tea masters to make me a cup of black tea and drank it. We waited for the bus and then went to Thindivanam and from there we took a bus to Chennai to avoid the crowd. 

There are few things in my life that give me such immense satisfaction. One of those things is the company of my beloved friend Venkatesh aka Machiss. I always feel like that we more or less echo the same thoughts, anger, urge and everything. It is very rare to connect with anyone on such a deep level. Every movie, every bike ride, every discussion is something to savor and it is always special. More than anything, the closeness of two people is not defined by the constant conversation they can have, but the length of the silences, without it feeling awkward. That was how our bus journey was. We were silent drifting onto our own thoughts.

I was listening to the chatters of a group of students and the two P.E.T Masters who had boarded the bus at Thindivanam. I gathered that they were returning back to Chennai after a sports meet. I was observing the dynamics of the group and how the P.E.T ruled the roost. It was very reminiscent of how it used to function when I was at school. The P.E.T master was always the tough guy who reigned over us and struck fear at school. This P.E.T master was so macho, that he did not sit through the whole journey and made sure all his students were seated. They all got down at Oorapakkam and it started to rain.

The rain came down very heavily for about an hour or so. The driver was driving through the fierce rain in the Maduraivayol bye-pass and by the time we reached CMBT, it resembled that of a lake and rightly so. It was once a lake, wasn't it?

The day ended with us having thattu idly at the thattu Idly kadai at the first floor of CMBT and driving through the rain. Senjikottai has thus been captured by the VENXUS (partially, because we still have the Rajagiri to scale)

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Sunday, September 3, 2017

On travel

0 blesses 'n' curses
I wouldn't call myself a wanderlust, but I don't mind traveling. From the age of 5 to 22, I hardly traveled within the city, let alone outside the limits of the city. I spent all my childhood and weekends within the confinement of the neighborhood that I lived in. I didn't know many places in Chennai until 2011. 

I've just gathered my thoughts about traveling, so that I could refer to this after a period of time. Hindsight is always a better vantage point, isn't it?

More than the serenity of the destination, what has always amazed me, has been the journey to that place. Beauty no longer fascinates me, it is the oddities that do. I dont want to go beautiful places, i just want to go to odd places, the mundaness of the place that people look over when they view with a romantic eye.

My ideal kind of wander would be to choose to travel like a common man, stay in a humble place without any luxury and experience the place like how any local would, in that area. I don't want to eat my comfort food when I am travelling. I want to eat the food that is available there. I just want two things to be fixed when I am traveling. The entry plan and exit plan. I want the middle part to take it's own course, improvising as I travel.

There is this saying, "If you want to travel fast, travel alone. If you want to travel far, travel together". Sometimes there is this urge to travel alone. It totally puts the control unto me. But then nothing matches the joy of traveling with the people you love and share a similar wave length. If you want to know someone, there is no better way than traveling together. You get to see the multiple facets of their personality, at their most vulnerable positions. You can only maintain the facade only for so long. You either grow apart in hatred or grow together in love.

Sometimes I feel travelling alone is liberating in the sense that you are not bound by anyone. You are on your own, you choose to do or not to do something. You do things at your own pace, you don't have get lost in the mad rush to tick off the places in your to do list, just for the heck of it. It is in stark contrast to the mundane life, where taking decisions is not in your hand and ones that have, hate to take decisions and move on. You are just saddled by the grief of inability to have a say over anything and you don't want this to spill over to the one area you don't want it to spill over.

When you travel with others you are bound to be out of your comfort zone now and then. It pushes you to do things that you normally wont to do. That is when new experiences, open you up to new ideas. For people who are lazy like me, it makes it easy when people are pushing me, to be constantly out of my comfort zone. I wouldn't have traveled to most of the places I traveled, if not for me tagging along with my friends.

To put it other way.  I would only to be travelling to places that I want to go for some purpose or the other, within my reach and deter all those places out of my reach. I have made so many plans in my head and I have shelved them just because I can't get there all by myself and because I couldn't find another person who shares the same inquisitiveness about that place, that I do.

Like all things in life, balance is the key. Extremes are always a problem. A string that is too tight or too loose will not give out the right note, same is true with life. 

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Friday, July 28, 2017


0 blesses 'n' curses
There are days when you wake up and do not want to face people. You just want to avoid the whole world and then sulk in frustration. If you actually take the plunge and get out, it is amazing how your day changes. There is no point in sitting and mourning over spilled milk. If you are not getting something that you need from somewhere, don't cry about it, just go "Well, I am gonna go here and find what I need". At least that's how I have been leading, all my life. It is not reflecting poorly on the places we don't get what we need, rather puts the stress on the reluctance to make a fuss about not getting it.

In my opinion, what comes towards you is more important than things you go towards. I have let go numerous opportunities because I thought I will be of no use for the other person or they really didn't need me. I honestly think the world will be a better place and free of any disappointment, if we only did what we would offer others normally, rather going out of the way to impress them. It is really not worth it. I think we should see the things, the way they are, rather than what we want them to be. The problems crop up only when you identify yourselves with something that you are not.

I have been quite lucky with attracting the right kind of people in every sphere of my life. Sometimes all it needs is the that one friend who will cheer you up, rib you, you rib him/her and you slowly forget all that ever bothered you, before that point. For the moments you are with them, the world seems a wonderful place. The friends who cheer you up, keep changing from time to time, with the roles reversing.

Eeriness will soon kick in, when you are on your own, staring at the ceiling, thinking where the next smile would be and the cycle kicks in. Let us live for the moments of camaraderie which keeps us all going. Put a smile on the person's face and see it reflect back on yours.

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Thursday, July 20, 2017

Rekka katti parakuthaiyya Nimbus

0 blesses 'n' curses
When I were a kid, my father used to keep me in his lap and tell stories. All the stories would be me saving people, wearing a "power shoe", tossing groundnuts into my mouth, riding an "Oo ve si" (USA) cycle to the crime scene.

The first memory of me trying to actually ride a cycle was when I used to visit my grandmother's thatched home. There used to be shops dedicated for letting cycles on hire. I would give 2 rupees, hire a cycle for an hour and try to ride it, but to no avail. My mother then got me an used ladies cycle to learn cycling. After innumerable number of falls and jamming the cycle into the curb, I learned to cycle. I rode that cycle to my school with so much pride. That feeling of having grown up. 

After moving to a new house, new neighborhood and new school, my parents decided to buy me a cycle. My first proper cycle was a "Hercules Top Gear" with 5 gears aka The Black Panther. All the kids at school would muck around with the gears, leading to it's eventual demise. Even though I had a new cycle, now and then I would hire cycles for an hour to ride the cycles with the High handle bar, like the ones on cruiser bikes. I eventually got one fitted on my cycle, after all the hire cycle shops closed down. I meddled with the cycle so much that it broke down. I had 4 different handle bars, 3 types of seats, got rid of the gears, tried to spray paint my cycle and many more. World had moved on to mopeds and motorbikes, but I was still cycling my way. I was riding cycles up until 2014, when I used the big Hercules cycle to commute from my Intern office to my home. August 14th, 2014 was last day I rode a cycle. I moved on to get a TVS Wego aka Black Panther 2.0 

I decided to get myself a cycle and bought, Kross Maximus. I am still trying to fit a high bar to have a comfy ride. I have named it "Flying nimbus", the cloud that Goku used to travel in his early ages. It was totally a different feeling ,when I rode a cycle after a long time, having used a scooter for 2 years.

There is this sense of calmness and peace that I get while riding a cycle. The world around me takes a back seat. The best of thinking is done when I am riding my cycle, not bothered by anyone. If only life happened where I am eternally cycling and at the peak state of my consciousness

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Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Choosing your battles

0 blesses 'n' curses
Watched Bahubali recently. I liked how the filmmaker conceived the situations where the characters are emotionally torn apart to make the right decision. There are no right decisions in certain circumstances. You will just have to choose one and live with the consequences.

Also it majorly sucks to be Palvazhathevan. He yearns all his life to become the kingdom's main man. He not just dreams, but works so hard towards to it, only to see his foster brother take over the crown. Then he wants to marry a woman he likes, only for the woman to be swooped over again by his foster brother, albeit she loved Bahubali. He is then given the kingdom, but not quite the king. He is second fiddle to Bahubali, in that as well. But my loyalties swayed away from Palvazhathevan, after the very dark portrayal of him in the latter half of the story.

If there is one quality that I would like to possess, it would be to choose my battles. I have the habit of being skeptical when I feel that people are stating the wrong facts. I go out of my way to prove them wrong and show them the real facts (according to me). It has earned me a reputation that I am a sort of a person who argues against everything.

Yesterday, I did something which I haven't realized myself doing in long time. I was about start an argument and then quickly my mind censured it. The question I asked myself was, "What am I going to achieve by doing that?" To think of it, nothing good would come of it. The other person is not going to magically correct their uninformed opinion, rather they would be offended. However, most of the time I find myself getting pulled into an argument and fight all the battles. I get a high out of proving others, wrong. At the same time I am ready to humbly accept defeat if I am proved wrong (Only if I think so)

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0 blesses 'n' curses
Vulnerability - (noun) the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.
No one is perfect, we all have cracks in our personalities. There are always shortcomings (or) gaps in our knowledge. Only when you "acknowledge" those gaps, you will be able to overcome them. I have always been the first person to admit to the gaps in my knowledge, for I always seek bridge them. I am not one bit embarrassed or insecure to admit that "I don't know" and it always ends with "I want to learn". However, I cannot say the same thing when it comes to emotional vulnerability. I for one, have a contrasting view on this. I have never showed my emotional vulnerability until very recently and I totally regret it.

There is always a breaking point for everyone, winter of 2015 was the lowest point of my life and it did me in. Scars may have healed, but have not vanished. All my life, I have been subconsciously taught to never show my emotional weakness to anyone. My first impulse has always been to mask it. If given a chance, I will go back in time and stop myself from breaking and showing my emotional vulnerability. I believe in keeping dependence to bare minimum and most things under my control. Being emotionally vulnerable totally goes against my vein, because I am taking things from my control and voluntarily giving the power to destroy. Just the thought that someone can do that to me emotionally makes me so uncomfortable.

However I admit, when someone shows their vulnerability to me, I get touched. Easiest way to win me over is to show the remotest of trust in me. Just the fact that they exposed themselves to me, is enough for me to blindly trust them, commit myself totally and give the "destructo button" that they gave me, right back to them. Honestly, I don't believe everyone will think have the same thought process.

I believe the ideal state I should move to, is to fully realize my emotional weakness and seal the gaps without any intervention from the outside world. It is like a batsman being found out by the bouncer. The only way out is to paper over the cracks and not reveal another.

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Tuesday, June 6, 2017


0 blesses 'n' curses
One fine Sunday evening I was watching the final episode of "hunter x hunter" and Ging uttered the words that would resonate with the core of my existence....

I met the oldest friend who is in my life right now, when I was strolling along the street one day. Fate decided we would play Ashes 1999 cricket and Brian Lara cricket 2000 for hours together and that would then evolve into us playing for hours and hours breaking windows (physical) now and then. It was always the two of us. We were the outcast because we sucked at it so much back then.

The first time I met the closest friend I have right now, we quarreled over, me swearing at him. Umpteen number of walks and strolling the cycle back home, we found each other to be great companions. Those 3 years, everywhere he went, I went. Everywhere I went, he came. He challenged me at everything I did, took me along and fought for my opportunities. All I did was, listen patiently to whatever he had to say. Circumstances would have us part our own ways, much like the road where he would go right and I would go left. It never stopped us from being friends and bickering for every thing in world.

I realized that friendship need not only be between just two people, it can be much more than that. I went from reluctantly hanging out with them because we were from the same class, to people for whom I would swear my life for. We don't meet that often these days, but whenever we do, it is fun and fun only. This is probably the benchmark I will never touch in the future. A collective relationship devoid of ego, possessiveness and obligation to tell each other anything. What more a gift, can one hope for, than to speak his mind without being judged or vilified.

During college I wanted to keep myself occupied and I would pen my thoughts down and post it on my blog. I wanted my thoughts to be read by as many people as possible. I would search blogger profiles and to read the blogs and post comments on other people's blogs. That's where I found a crazy soul who wrote about "Arisi Upma - Risotto", whom i would go on share everything I wanted to blurt out and also be the Dexter to her Deedee.

Right when I totally gave up and assumed that I will never make anymore friends, I met another person with whom I will quarrel and bicker till my teeth go away. To be honest I only wanted to do tech support to fix her laptop, meddle and take apart the fittings and analyse it. I just wanted to try out Windows 8.1 on it. The first time we met, I didn't bother to speak, now I can't stop speaking. She took me under her wing during one of the hardest phases of my life and gave the push to the rolling stone.

I chose none of these relationships. At beginning I never wanted any of them, I just grew fond of them and all of them enriched my being in unique ways. Whenever I did go after what I want, the journey and people whom I gathered for achieving that want, far outweighed the want itself.

The culture we grew up and the one people are growing up, vastly puts emphasis on one's wants and
how they should be satisfied at any cost. That undying passion to reach the goal at whatever cost and when it gets satisfied, go for another, get stuck in the vicious cycle and spiral into oblivion. If you pursue anything other than what you want, you are said to be cheating yourself. You are somehow seen as a lesser being.  A job has now become a thing that should give you satisfaction apart from wealth. Whenever I hear someone crib about how uninteresting their job is, I want to yell "DO YOUR JOB! JUST DO THE FUCK OUT OF IT". This world functions because people do their jobs, at least most of them. Granted that some jobs are more interesting than others, but do your job. It doesn't have to give you satisfaction. You get the work done and move on. That is how our civilization has lasted over thousands of years.

...One fine Sunday evening I was watching the final episode of "hunter x hunter" and Ging uttered the words that would resonate with the core of my existence.
"You should enjoy the little detours to the fullest. Because that’s where you’ll find the things more important than what you want.”
Tears rolled down my eyes. It was the feeling where you knew something already and one shift here and one shift there, the puzzle is complete. So, here I am waiting for the next detour.

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Monday, June 5, 2017


0 blesses 'n' curses
This was written on 09/11/2016 when I was staying in Noida - Archiving it here.

The caretaker of the company guest house met with an accident on Friday. He went to fix the mixer, with the cleaner boy and a car hit them while they were riding on the bike. Two of my colleagues had to get there and take him to the government hospital to get treatment. He was injured on the head, elbow, hand and the knee.

When I got back late at night, after work that day, I saw him lying in the corner of the hall where he usually sleeps. He was shivering. I asked him to sleep in the vacant room downstairs and then gave him the tablets which were mistakenly taken back by a colleague of mine, after leaving the caretaker back at the guest house.

We took him for the follow up check up at same Government Hospital, the next day. It was really appalling. There were not enough doctors to attend to the patient. The one's who were attending, didn't bother and were busy gaming on their mobile. The medicines were not properly prescribed and the guy who gave the tablets would nothing but yell at us after for asking him about dosage and timings of the intake of tablets. Humanity has come to such apathy and what pains me more is, there is not a single thing we can do to change it.

My thought took a tangent, they must be seeing people cut open, wounded and screaming in pain all the time. What for you is a "loved one dying or suffering" is in their eye, just a piece of flesh to be stitched together.

The guy is 48, unmarried, a staunch follower of the "Hare Rama Hare Krishna" group. He doesn't eat garlic or onion. He doesn't drink tea or coffee. He wakes up early in the morning, offers the cooked food to a customized Krishna aka Calendar and then serves food for us. What was startling to me was even at that stage, he refused to have anything that is cooked outside and he was doing his things, on his own. He told that he was worried what we will do for food, when he wont be able to cook (I am taking that on face value as always do). Let us ignore the merits of his principles for a moment. From where does one summon such strength to refuse help and stand of their own and to what for? Is it because people are pushed to the state that they have to be on their own? Is it even worth it? May be he was longing for someone to take care of him and felt vulnerable to say it.

The fear of being alone preoccupies my mind every time I meet my Chitappa. He is over 50 years old, unmarried and on his own. When I helped him move into a new rented house, I found so many stuff that were almost destroyed and he still held on to them. My athhais would urge him to dump all of it and he wouldn't budge. He reluctantly dumped the old typewriters, broken vessels, broken wooden suit case, a big old mechanical wall clock etc. He changed his mind at the last moment and brought the mechanical wall clock back saying "Edhukku kailangkadai la podanum. kammi kaasu tharuvaan. Ingeye irundhuttu porathu". I fondly remember the wall clock hanging, dang in the center of the hall at the CIT Nagar home, where we used to live and I even broke the pendulum once, trying to meddle with it. I slowly gathered that he was finding solace in the things that brought him the memories of the old times, when he was always around people. What is waste object blocking space to us, was a relic of the good times of a gone by era. He grew up with 5 siblings and a dozen uncles in a single house. From that, he has gone to living alone, albeit near by his sister, who visits him often. Perhaps his only solace.

He has been having a tough time lately. A wash basin dropped on his foot and he was not able to work for months. Once that healed, he fell on the bathroom floor and fractured his hand, which he is still nursing. I inquired as to what he does during the day and could imagine the hell he is going through. Thank goodness my athhai is near by and she is helping him out.

The biggest fear in my life is that I will end up like the caretaker. Alone, without mother or father, no friends that  we knew back then, totally out of place with the current times. In another 10 years time, I am pretty sure all of the people who knew me since birth will be thwarted out like flies. When I was a kid, I used to calculate how many years my parents would live and then cry to myself in darkness of the night. I had this weird way of using alphabets to calculate it. I don't even remember it now. Insecurities, anxieties and what not...

Not many are lucky to lead a life filled with companionship and the sad part is people take this for granted, when they have it. It is so easy to be alone and not let it bother one bit, when you are young and healthy. Things become gloomy the moment your basic activities become such a chore. When you get old and weak / old or weak, you'll understand that your arms are too short to box with time.

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Tuesday, May 23, 2017

I can't be doin with this

0 blesses 'n' curses
I think I am relatively safe writing here. No one is going to bother. The last time I checked, this blog had 6 views per day. I was recently listening to karl's diary portions of the Rick Gervais animated podcast and it rekindled me to write a journal. Also coupled with the fact that I am wasting way to too much time on twitter and I shut it down. The constant mindless chatter, I cant be doin with that.

I am going to write down anything I find interesting or any state of mind that I want to record. It may be explicit and down right nonsense. If you are easily offended, you can please get the fuck out of my blog. Oh you're still reading? You are skin is slightly thick

I woke in the middle of a dream, today. It's always surreal when you are woken in the middle of a dream. You are dilly dallying between consciousness and fantasy. Minutes later, you just remember zilch but at the moment when you are in the dream, it is very real. I wonder we are nothing but a dream of ourselves. May be our bodies are at some cubicle and we face death when we wake from slumber. It is quite ironic that we would call death as last slumber.

I came across this article highlighting that sanitary napkins are to be charged 12% GST. The reaction of the author was "I am being charged for being a woman". Why would anyone take such a drastic chance? You are basically accusing everyone of plotting "Let's screw these women folks by taxing 12% on tampons. Fuck them, tax 20% on kaajal as well". That is totally not true. I am not supporting that move to charge GST, I am just saying that it is so much better to go "Women menstruate once a month. Women all over the country need to use tampons to absorb the blood flow. It is a basic necessity, do not tax and increase the burden on us" When someone sees such a message they would rather listen, than get irked for being called biased person. No one here is going to achieve anything by calling others names. It's a futile outrage garbage.

I was watching a documentary about Budhha in the early hours of today. There was this line "In order to gain something, you'll have to lose everything". When looking at it outwards it seems daft, but it is quite deep. The film "Into the wild" deals with that. Christopher McCandles loses all his belongings and sets a nomadic path to the wilderness of Alaska only to die a lonely death. What he gained was the gift to the world that "Happiness is only real, when it is shared" But it was rather little too late. The end was probably different with Buddha. Buddha basically told to fuck all the attachments and probably died saying it. Christopher couldn't quite be called the modern day buddha due the end he faced. 

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